God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
It's been a long busy week. The busy part is fine...but I just want to stay home and take care of unpacking (okay, i don't want to unpack, but i need to do more unpacking...). Tomorrow, I'm staying home. For the most part. *knock on wood*
So I wake up today. And I'm thinking of my to-do list for this week. And there's no way I'm getting it all done. But I don't know what to put off...and I putter around and then head out...
But during those morning hours, I find out more family stuff.
And my heart is just sad. And my eyes leak.
And I wish I could go back there and fix everything.
And I cannot.
So I sit here. And worry. And fret. And talk to my older brother. And ... feel ... scared... sad...
Why did I not look at the questions before I started this?
I do not like this question...
Question #2: If you could have dinner with any person from history, who would you choose?
I've heard this question before. I roll my eyes at it. And now I need an answer...
Jesus is the obvious answer.
Let's go beyond that....
The next few names that entered my head were Dalai Lama...he has brilliant wise things to say...
Joseph Smith Jr.
Brittany would fly here if I had Audrey Hepburn over...
Then...because I was feeling all clumsy in my thinking...and because I don't think deceased family members count for this question...although, Eve would be an interesting person to talk with...and, of course, if it was anyone, I would have my mom for a loud, fun, LOOONNNNGGGG dinner, but this said history, so I was thinking historically...
And my brain goes back to Jesus...and then, I thought...
Oh! Mary Magdalene.
I think I might have a lot of interest in what she has to say.
I could come up with a long list...from Ronald Reagan to Jason Robards to Erik the Red to Annie Oakley...but now I'm thinking back to Eve again...
I may not have perfect answers, it'll just be what comes to mind. Feel free to play along in the comments....not about me, about you... ☺
Question #1: What is the hardest thing you've ever done?
Things that come to mind:
- Fighting the seemingly never ending battle called depression...
- Natural childbirth. Three times.
- Move when I was 14. 15. 16. Again multiples times as an adult and doing that to my daughters...being new sucks.
- Various family situations.
- Showing up when I'd rather do anything but.
But, I think...and perhaps it's because of all the different things that poured into it... I think the hardest thing I've ever done was telling my daughters that their father was dead.
Because I knew as soon as those words were out of my mouth their lives would change.
I knew that they would never go back to how it was a second before.
I knew that opportunities would be gone from them.
I knew that mourning is absolute hell and the process takes years and years and then it's still a part of you. I know the empty spot in my soul that won't be filled until I see my parents again.
I knew this would bring back a world full of emotions and memories...wishes and hopes...
And...because, even though these are three self-sufficient adults, they are still my babies.
Hardest thing I've ever done.
I did it. But it took everything I had. And then to leave them a few weeks later, when all I wanted was to stay and be there for them. Be able to watch over them and see with my own eyes how they were doing.
I've had more than a boatload of hardest things in my life thus far. I'll have more. Hardest things suck. But we survive. Even if we need to climb in bed for a few days. We survive.
doug and i decided to move a load over every day instead of doing it all in one day...it made sense at the time...many times while we were doing this, we wondered about this decision...especially towards the end when it seems like it will NEVER EVER END!!!
the missionaries helped with a few of the heavier things, like the piano...here was my empty spot, when i was still living in one place and my piano was waiting a few weeks for me at the new place...
sometimes, after unloading the truck, doug would play a game of pool over at the new place. a reward of sorts. he's a good sport. tried to do most of it to protect my joints. he's my moving hero.
we got the patio stuff set up...
the guest room ready for visitors...
the sucky part of being a mormon with food storage is moving all those cans. they're still not re-organized...i'm doing really good at letting go and letting them be for now...
then came the day we moved our bed over and switched residences...most of our stuff was moved.
i got a bonus! the prior tenants left a dog bone cookie cutter in a corner of a cupboard. yeah for me! i didn't have that one!
two of the missionaries climbed my new tree on the last heavy stuff trip. they were great help and then we had a major fire grilling hamburgers...good times!
apparently, i set this as an alarm on my phone...i do not remember doing so...but when it popped up, i was slightly humored by my earlier self...because, i was home. instead of driving 13 more minutes. glad i stuck to the schedule!
we had a ton of boxes left over. the good news is we didn't have as much stuff as we thought? the back of the pick up was filled with flattened boxes...squashed and tied down.
then came the day to say goodbye to the old place...it was a good home...
and on to the next... next spring, i shall relearn to swim in the pool...
p.s. i still hate moving. perhaps things will follow the plan and the next one will be to our alaska cabin... and, major kudos to my moving hero hubby...for his patience with my limitations and quirks about packing, moving, unpacking and finding the new home for stuff...
(back in early 2010, i told jaycey about my friend posting that if every one of his friends would send him a dollar, he'd have enough for the new...i think ipad? anyway...she and i both did that. he laughed. we may have been the only ones who sent him a buck. ...when she found out sir paul was going to be in her neck of the woods...she asked if she could post that. i said why not. and she did. and some of her people donated. then her momma may or may not have subsidized the rest, but only after some awesome people played her game. and then her awesome momma found where we could get better seats for less. and then her awesome cousin said she'd buy a ticket also so she didn't have to go alone. and then, jaycey had the concert of her life while a beatle sang to her. yes. he sang to her. and don't ever tell her any different.)
My back is just a little sore today. I was able to wash my hair...that was a good thing.
Now, with the back mostly behaving, my cold is able to take front and center stage.
Told Doug on Tuesday that I was pretty sure I was sick.
He said, "Did I give you my cold?"
(he had a tiny baby cold last week...weird...the guy practically never gets sick... me? if there's a cold within 10 miles, i'll get it...)
I said, "I don't know. Probably."
Which leads to this post...
I don't care who my kids caught chicken pox from... I don't much care who gave my kids the flu...or a cold...or whatever. Once someone is sick, does it really matter?
When someone accuses me: YOU GOT ME SICK!!!
My mouth says, "Sorry..."
And I am. But mostly..I'm all: Really? That's what we're doing? Shall I go hunt down where I got mine from and go uncork on them? And then they do it? And then that person does it? And on and on?
It would be a never ending round of accusing. Because we'd all get sick before it was finished and we'd have to start it again.
I'm just sick.
I'm miserable and then I'll get better and feel good. And won't really pay attention to it until the next time I'm sick.
And I won't really know who got me sick...but I'll be sick. And that's about all I need to know.
(i'm really not whining right now, but i have a GREAT talent for laying on the floor in the hall in wait for someone to walk by and hang onto their leg begging them to make me better...or maybe that was just a teenager talent of mine that i reserved for my mom...)
I'm a wife to Douglas...mom to Brittany, Kimberly and Jaycey...stepmom to Chris & Stephanie...daughter of Rob & Jan...sister to Dan, Mark, Kari, Susan, LaDawn, Tamra, Will, Tara & LaNae...daughter-in-law to Lyman & Linnea...sister-in-law to Barbara, Todd, Jesse, Dustin, Ashley, Rich, Brian & Lori, Loren & Deleice, Elaine, Lora, Julia, Darrell & Nici, Clay & Annie...aunt to MANY...greataunt to a few...friend to a some and an annoyance to almost all. :)