Connie's Ramblings

Flashback Friday

2012-01-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

Easter 1995

Brittany, Kimberly, & Jaycey

(this was the beginning of not buying three of the same outfit...cuz britt was out of the toddler sizes...BUT, luckily i found her a dress in the same fabric...sigh...matchy-matchy must come to an end some time)

Good Try...

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

So...my husband listens and "reads" the scriptures while he's out and about.

He emailed me this:

Nice try babe...I don't think wine was ever something you liked.

MORE...Already?

2012-01-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

So, the other day, I got this in the mail...

Say what?

I thought that magazine is for women over 50!

I'm barely in my 40's...why in the world did they send this to me?

Fast forward to today...I open it up...to see if they actually say '50+'...

Nope. They do not. But am I really in the same age group as the actresses that I see in their papers?

And...now...I have to tell you...they do a good sales pitch...because now I want this magazine.

Even if I'm not 50.

I'm taking my free issue.

Two Good Things...

2012-01-24T10:02:00.002-07:00

A great highlight from last week was from when I met my newest little great-nephew.

He is gorgeous.

Seriously.

I know my dad says that all babies are beautiful...but...well...some are just more beautiful than others.

If-ya-know-what-I'm-sayin'...

So. I'm sitting there and watching my nieces' children do their little kids lives and it's making me smile.

And then, I get to hold the baby.

Bliss and contentment. I know...dark picture, but, I had a sweet baby on my lap, didn't much care about the picture...

Then, Miss Chloe decided to come out. And she saw the book...and she started reading. And she was sitting RIGHTNEXT to me. Like, her little thigh was pushed into my thigh. And here's this little girl reading me one of my favorite kid books (Barnyard Dance...) and it was just her and me.

I was in Aunt Connie heaven.

Holding the little man. Watching three others moving around. And listening to my great-niece read a story to me.

Yup. That's heaven.

Though...heaven for Meaghan is probably when she's all healed up and when everyone is down for naps at the same time?

Thank You Weird Doctor Man

2012-01-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

So...about 20 years ago, I went through a bunch of tests...trying to get answers about my bones and joints.

Didn't really get any.

Kind of gave up on the whole process.

Fast forward to now...my eldest daughter seems to have inherited these crappy genes that add pain to our lives. I encourage her to go to the doctor...I think: Same issues...same pain...use the insurance, perhaps you'll get answers for both of us.

No such luck.

Then, add to this "lovely" physical crap...she has a messed up neck that causes her incredible pain.

To which, no real answers have come forth.

UNTIL...

The wee hours of Sunday morning, I get a phone call and she is just crying. She needs to go to the hospital...I am thinking, do I call someone and wake them up (to which the answer has now been given: yes...call me...wake me up...duly noted for the future...)...do I start driving now? I can get there by 7...

What to do...what to do...my kid is hurting...

I have some pathetic suggestions for her until one of her sisters can get her to the E.R.

And I pray.

Because it's the best I can do for right then. And I pray for her to cross paths with a doctor that day who will pay attention, who will take her serious, who will find a "fix" for her. Because this has gone on long enough, it's time to ease some of her physical issues.

Fast forward...she gets a weird doctor. But he pays attention. Doesn't blame her pain on sitting at a computer and send her home with two aspirins. She has an MRI (thank you insurance for covering most of that cost). And...we have an answer!

A disc in her neck is pinching some of the nerves in her spinal cord.

She gets good pain meds.

She gets doctor orders to stay home from work until the 1st. (which is causing her some stress...not a great time to not be at her desk taking care of stuff) She'll do her best to make sure the essentials are covered.

Her test results were sent to the neurosurgeon. He was supposed to be talking with the E.R. doctor man today...his office is supposed to be getting in touch with her...we'll then know more. Physical therapy? Surgery? Don't know yet...but we will.

And they will take care of my daughter.

And she will have less pain in her life.

And that will probably make her joint pains more tolerable.

I am happy. We like answers. We like pathways towards solutions.

I don't like that she's in pain...but I like that someone finally took her serious.

And I am looking forward to her video from the hospital...and yes, I will post it. Because then you will laugh. Because even when life sucks, we can put a good spin on SOMETHING.

I can't claim all the genetic background to that trait...

Sunday Share - "Emmitt"

2012-01-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

This week's post is done by my daughter's boyfriend.

He made me dinner the other night. He's a good cook.

And he's nice to my kid.

And...he's nice to play along with my blog...so, here's Emmitt:

"Subject: Classic Console Games

Normally my blogs can be found at

http://classicconsoleblog.blogspot.com/

but today I am guest blogging on Connie's blog space. To keep it short, I will not go on and on about my subject. I will simply keep this to a list of my top 5 favorite games on my favorite 2 consoles.

NES (Nintendo):

- Castlevania

- Castlevania III

- Legend of Zelda

- Batman

- Lifeforce

SNES (Super Nintendo)

- Castlevania IV

- Legend of Zelda - Link To The Past

- Super Return of the Jedi

- Donkey Kong Country

- MarioKart

While there are many fine games on both of these consoles, these are definitely the ones I would put in my top 5."

Kim is 21...

2012-01-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

So...this past week, Kim turned 21...this is the first picture of her at her new age:

This was on our way to my second room at the hotel...we played switch-a-roo three times. It was kind of fun. I think we had it down by the last time...it's nice having my kid go behind the scenes and take care of me.

The girls and I went out to dinner...here is Kim opening her present from her folks...the 'traditional 21st birthday present'...a good watch. See that bright blue? That's it...I love the color... In fact, that's one of the funnies that was said at dinner. I told Kim...hope you like it, I got one that you sent me, but in a different color...I didn't like the color of the one you sent me... Hmm...I only got minor ribbing for that statement. (to be fair, kim does like blue)

I asked Britt if she knew what she wanted...the Filet Focaccia Sandwich came up...then, she said, "I discovered the hard way I can't have kidney beans." I looked at the picture....no beans anywhere...it was funny. Perhaps you had to be there...

At one point, Kim started choking. Jaycey laughed. I scolded Jaycey and told her: Do NOT laugh! It's not funny if she dies on her birthday! Jaycey said, "Brittany will think it's romantic." Brittany, "It's true! I would!"

*double sigh*

It's true. My eldest has this twisted idea that if someone dies on their birthday, it's romantic.

I have never claimed to understand everything about my children.

As we're getting up to leave, I notice Kim's soda glass is just over half full. And I'm all: Drink your soda! Because I'm annoyed....I know it's your birthday, but if I buy you a soda, then at least drink it..otherwise, you get water from here on out. She looks at me and drinks some...a few moments later, it comes out that she's had a few refills...and I'm making the poor birthday girl drink more soda when she really doesn't have the desire to do so. I laughed because apparently, I wasn't paying attention...so sorry Kim...I'm learning to back off...you can have soda.

Back at the hotel, there was some talking, some apple beer, cake, and a mini photo shoot...

Kim took took bites directly from her cake...I'd post a picture here, but...a particular daughter of mine did NOT send them to me. So...as Kim continues to eat into her cake, she got to the middle...where a blue layer of frosting had been hiding in all the chocolate...she stopped and gave me a look...asked what that was...

Probably more than an hour later, it came out that the reason she kept giving me dirty looks about her cake was she thought it was mint frosting...so she had stopped eating...

Apparently, there was a phase I went through where I went a bit mint crazy.

They act like I put mint in everything.

It wasn't mint...it was vanilla...a spot of color..that's all. No mint.

Flashback Friday

2012-01-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

February 2008

Tara, Todd, Brittany, Tamra, Briana, Me, Doug, Will, Ashlea, Jaycey, Tricia, & Susan

My Middle Baby is 21!!!

2012-01-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

This weird thing happens in life.

The one I'm thinking of is called: when your children start hitting the adult numbers.

Today, or more correctly, this afternoon, my 2nd born will officially turn 21 years of age and embark upon her 22nd year of life.

This boggles my mind.

Have I told her story before?

They each have their own story...and this one is hers.

I'd been having contractions on and off for days. Just minor ones that I didn't mind because I figure any work you can get done before the big event, then have at it minor-non-pain contractions!

The night before her birth, we were attending her uncle's graduation. I was having more contractions and was just hoping things didn't kick into high gear until after the ceremony.

Later, that night, as the family was sitting around watching some tv, I would doze off. My mother-in-law said she was watching my face..she could tell when I was having a contraction because my face would tighten up. I remember a few of them waking me up...decided to get some sleep while I could.

And then...it happened. That first PAIN contraction that brings to clear memory what labor is really like. Whereas, you just spent 8 months thinking you remember...but no...right now, now you remember. And you know it's gonna hurt. So I woke up with the painful vise grip over most of my torso (i'm short) and wake up my then-husband. Nope...water hasn't broke (still nervous about that event since my water didn't break until my first daughter's head was birthed...) but I do believe it's time to go to the hospital.

So we have Brittany covered...there are people who will be taking care of her...who? I honestly don't know. I don't know if Cecily, Pat, Jon, or Joel took care of her. You can think "horrible mom!" But I'm sure I made sure she was in good hands...because I'm not a horrible mom...and my Britti was my life.

So off we go. Driving out of the subdivision...driving around a corner, I realized what the song on the radio was saying and started to laugh...and I didn't know if I was about to have a boy or a girl, but they already had their first song...correction, I knew she was a girl. All the ultrasounds had been inconclusive...she was a private person even in the womb... (click HERE to see the official music video of her song...they won't let me post it here..boneheads)

It was about 6:00 in the morning...I was looking out the car window...I was wondering what this little one would look like, be like...I was on my way to meeting my daughter and although it's scary (remember, i have now remembered what i'm about to do), it's the most exciting thing...and I wanted her here...now...

Perfect song.

They didn't want to pop my water until she had dropped a little more...so we went walking. And I got hungry. So we hid behind a magazine rack and I ate bacon. And just so you know, walking up and down hospital halls while having contractions isn't high on my list of super fun things!

The next time they went to pop my water...her head had engaged...so they couldn't pop it. Looked like I wasn't going to experience my water breaking with number two child either.

Mid-afternoon, my child was born. And they handed me my daughter.

And all of a sudden, I had to share her with the world. For months, others could rub my belly, could feel her kick...but it was her and me. She was shoving my organs into compact spaces...I was talking to her...others were involved, others were excited and waiting...but she was inside my body. Her body was growing inside me. And now, she was in the world. We did have a LOT of great people to share her with though.

I remember the sound of her big sister's toddling feet coming down the hall towards our hospital room. I didn't know that I knew the sound of Brittany's walk until that moment...and then Brittany appeared...to hold "her" baby.

She was a wonderful baby.

She's a wonderful person.

Happy 21st Birthday to our Kimmie Belle...Love you kiddo!!!

(here are a few of the people that you belong to besides me...)

***

I love Kim. Leanna loves her Kimmie and we miss her. I enjoy watching my daughter get excited when she sees her. She's very caring of others. When she lived with us, there were many times she would take care of me when I was sick. Kim has a big heart.

- LaNae

***

My thoughts about Kim...

First of all, you are the youngest person I ever met and you remain the only person I met when you still looked prune-ish (brand-new-baby-wrinkled-ness). I think you were ten hours old at the most. Days later I remember feeding you and the image of your big, dark beautiful blue eyes staring at me, which is permanently burned into my brain. I remember thinking, "How could a heart possibly contain more love than I feel right this moment?" This thought continues to give me reverence for other kinds of love (like Christ's love for me and my mom's love for me, etc.) Our bond, to me, is biological and spiritual. Later, I was the reason you got to be baptized multiple times. Who else gets to live and relive, and relive, and relive the experience of being baptized? And you were the reason I worked on becoming a Priest. It was the honor of a lifetime to be of service in that way. I also remember you and Jaycey coming to visit me in California and we went to the mall. You were very humble in that you wouldn't let me buy you a bunch of stuff. You also told Jaycey that I had bought her enough stuff and it was time to stop asking. Most recently I remember when I went to Clearfield to visit and listened to you talk about fixing your car. It is a little strange that my niece is more self-sufficient and responsible with her cars than I am. I remember watching you talk and feeling really impressed by your confidence and knowledge. It has been a pleasure to watch you grow. And frankly, it's time you, your immediate family and all the Taylors moved to California!

I love you Kim. I think of you often. I hope this is the best year ever of your life. Happy Birthday!

Blessings,
Joel

***

Happy 21st Kim. Stay away from the bars. :P

- Jaycey

***

Happy Birthday, Kim! You have such a fantastic, kind heart and soul.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday! You deserve the very best!
Love, Camille

***

Kim: "If you want me to calm down then give me candy."
- Tara

***

Our dearest Kimberly,

:) Happy happy birthday Kimmie dear...
Happy days will come to you all year!

If I had a wish then it would be:
A Happy Happy Birthday!
To you from me!

We love you so much and have a great 21st birthday!

Dustin, Tamra, Sean, & Anna

***

Happy birthday! I remember when I first saw you - love at first sight! Your mom had just moved back to Utah, you were asleep in your car seat. I had just come home from school. I wasn't supposed to wake you up, so I sat on the bed and waited for you to wake up. As soon as you did, I got you out of the car seat so I could give you love from Aunt LaDawn! You were a beautiful baby! You turned out to be a beautiful young lady that we love so much!
We wish for you the best of everything!

- LaDawn

***

happy happy birthday Kimmie dear, happy days will come to you this year, if we had one wish then it would be a happy happy birthday to you from me (us).
we love you beautiful lady!!!!!!!

- Susan

***

Happy Birthday! Love you. Proud of you.

- Dad

Spinach Wonderfulness...

2012-01-16T10:36:00.003-07:00

Awhile back, while perusing blogs, I ran across a beautiful recipe. AND...wonders never cease...it fits completely into my current food list. So, on my PV day, I happily made it.

I was even more happy to eat it.

My next PV day, I made it again, but added some little yellow tomatoes...but I got a little carried away with the spinach...and my intestines were a little noisy while digesting all those leaves...

Saturday, I made it again...this time, I restrained myself a bit on the spinach...still just as good...and you can actually see that I have some turkey patties under that gorgeous mess.

I did have to do minor adaptations to the recipe...I'm hardly using salt and oil...

I sauteed the garlic for a moment...added the spinach and mushrooms...then at the end, put in my tomatoes for a minute or so...then piled it on my turkey patties.

It's my new favorite dinner.

You can check out the original recipe HERE, over at Sweet Treats and More.

You'll love it.

Sunday Share - Kimberly

2012-01-15T17:30:00.001-07:00

This week's post is done by one of my absolute favorite people in the world.

Not that I'm prejudiced or anything...I mean, I was her host while her body was being formed. And let me tell you, she LOVED the cheap hamburger and greasy salty fries from the 39 cent Hamburger Stand in California.

Loved them.

When I opened her email and saw the title of her post for today, I cringed...hoping that I wasn't about to read a 'I will NOT be like my mother' essay...because, I have said about guesting on my Sunday Share posts: Write whatever you want.

I'm happy that it wasn't that.

I probably yelled too much. And I know I made a lot of mistakes...when kiddos leave the nest, you get real clear on what you'd do different...regardless, I have there are three amazing women out there that I forever get to claim as mine.

Here, as my guest blogger for this Sunday, is my middle daughter, Kimberly (pictures are added by me):

"Three Things I Believe: About Raising Children

I want to write about three things that I think are necessary to raising children. I obviously have none of my own, but I know how I was raised. I get a glimpse at how my cousins are being raised. And I often overhear parents and children everyday. This is a theory I have developed and I will also explain why.

Chores. It doesn't matter what, but every person, if able, should contribute to everyday house cleaning. I asked my Mom awhile ago about when we started doing chores, because since I can remember, I was doing them. Her answer was from when I could walk, she considered me taking my diaper to the trash a reasonable chore for a two year old.

Also, pick up after yourself. If you take it out, put it back. Easier said then done, but it is a great habit to get children into so that when they are teens and especially adults, they remain tidy and organized.

Chores do not always need rewards such as allowance. There were some years growing up that I received an allowance, as long as I did my chores correctly and my grades were satisfactory. There were other years that I did not, but we still did our chores.

Punishment (grounding). I overheard a conversation the other day that made me want to shake a woman. She and her friend were talking about how they have never grounded their children. I was thinking, okay, how old is this kid to have his mom just barely thinking about grounding him. 17. It was brought up. 17 years, never grounded, and they recalled times she should have before. I'm sorry woman. Good luck.

In the later years of living at home, I was grounded from my room. Not to my room. From. I had to find ways to entertain myself in the rest of the house and socialize with everyone else. Back then, it really was a punishment to me. There were times I was grounded from reading, tv, or whatever it was that I favored to entertain myself.

As long as the child/teen understands why they are being punished, as long as they understand the purpose and they don't just ignore the punishment, then I think it is a good parenting tool.

Control. Control of the situation, control of your emotions. No matter the situation. I believe parents must do their best to remain level headed, especially dealing with teenagers. I understand that we are human, and it is a very draining task to raise even one child...but yelling doesn't solve anything. It grabs attention quickly and the brain shuts down. At least that's what happens to me. All rational and logical thought go away.

The scariest voice is the quiet, even tone that is somehow the most threatening. If you don't know what I'm talking about, listen to a mother doing her best to warn a child quietly at the store or while on the phone without attracting more attention than necessary.

I also think control in scary situations. Remaining calm. There have been plenty of blizzards that my mother has driven through with Jaycey and I in the car. Driving and being in a car already scare me. Add any weather, stupid drivers...makes me more so. My mom is very good at keeping calm in those types of situations and it helps me be at ease because I trust her.

I don't know if this made any sense or if I am speaking out of place but it is what I wanted to share for Sunday. :)

-fin

---Kimmie Belle"

Stupid Netbook

2012-01-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

(back on january 4th...i was writing this vent about my stupid netbook, which i'm typing on right now, wasn't then because it was past dead...doug told me to wait until he got it working to post about this...so...lo and behold, he did it! i honestly did NOT think that it would ever "work" again...and towards the end of his efforts, he was starting to wonder himself...so, without further ado...my ramblings:)

*Stupid netbook: a stupid decision I made...I should have gone with the iPad...I was going to try to sell the stupid thing to some poor soul who wouldn't find it so stupid...but he insists that he can make it work to my liking. Thus far, I still think it's stupid. I still prefer his laptop or the desktop. He offers to trade his laptop for my stupid netbook. I say no because I'd feel guilty since he'd have the worse deal. He asks why I'm not using my computer. I look at him with the "because-it's-beyond-stupid" look, because I don't want to tell him I hate it anymore, because I know it frustrates him that I hate it. Because it was a stupid decision. And it's all my decision...he just let me buy it because he's nice like that. Because I was all sure that this was a good one.

So, now he's been working on his latest idea to make it not-stupid...except he's getting beyond frustrated. With the stupid machine. Give him a few more hours and he might agree with me that it was a stupid purchase. Have you gotten that I think it's a stupid computer? Even though it has all the bells and whistles that the stupid thing can have? And even though it's a good red?

It's offensive to red.

It's an embarrassment to red.

No netbook ought to be allowed to be red.

And that's how I feel about netbooks.

Just buy the iPad.

Or a laptop.

Don't think, "It's small...it'll be easier for traveling...it won't bother my wrists to move around with it...it'll be good for what I need."

Don't believe yourself when you think such things.

Stupid thing.

p.s. update on 14 january...this stupid thing is up and running. i have showed him how it performs. he is completely on my side now that it's a stupid netbook. but, seeing as how he spent so much time getting it alive again, and is now a professional in all things netbookish, i need to get usage out of it. so i will use it. but it gets to live with it's nickname of "Stupid Netbook". because it's what it is. stupid. but. doug did it. i didn't believe it would happen. i ought not have doubted his stubborn determination to outwit this stupid little machine...nor his brain for making things work. that's all about this now. and, if truth be told, i guess it's still okay to take traveling with me. because, really, when i'm traveling, i don't have much time to be messing around on this stupid thing, so it'll be fine.

but it's still a stupid netbook.

don't buy one...

Flashback Friday

2012-01-13T12:49:00.002-07:00

We're having a special 'Flashback Friday' today.

These are my brother's people. This is the uniform he wears. This is the hometown of my adult life.

And this is a beautiful tribute that someone made.

We still have two officers in the hospital...please include them in your prayers.

Contagious...

2012-01-12T16:35:00.002-07:00

Did you know that puzzles are contagious?

Well, they are.

I got some text pictures from my sister the other day...she had been to another sister's house...where I have pawned off some puzzles...and she put some pieces in...

And then there's a picture I really like...my little nephew got himself up on the table because he wanted to get to daddy's puzzle...plus, I love how you can tell from his mouth that teeth are new to his existence...

At Three...Stop...Right?

2012-01-10T10:32:00.001-07:00

Have you read the 'About Me' on my blog?

I am a sum of my parts.

My parts are my people.

And right now, some of my people are hurting so bad. Or is it badly? I don't know. My english major daughter would know. I honestly don't care. Because not only are they hurting, they're going through their own hells and I just want to fix it.

And I cannot.

But 'they' say that bad things come in threes.

Enough people believe 'them'...whomever 'they' might be. I often hear people counting deaths: "that's one...that's two..." You know, I'm sure you heard it also.

This is difficult. My heart isn't on my sleeve, it's out there in the world...with my people...

And all I can do is pray.

Because at some point, I will eventually run out of tears, right?

I know...not true...not with the amounts of water that this chickie drinks...

So I'll pray, call the temple, and try to put good things around me...

Like this:

Sunday Share - Jamie

2012-01-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

(a comment made by an awesome cousin this past week has led to an invitation to some of 'my people' to share something here on my blog...i'm excited about this, i already know that i am going to enjoy this...so if you want to be in on this, just let me know...i do believe that this particular cousin will be posted next week...)

This week's post is by a funny lady who I am happy to claim as my cousin. We share family, but we also share a 'bad day'. June 10th is the day that tragedy changed our lives...her husband and my mom both had their mortal life ended on that day...and both of them were amazing people.

What the 'little me' remembers about Wendell is that he was a nice happy man. And what always struck me was how he looked at my cousin. Like she was the sun, the moon, the stars and his gorgeous queen all wrapped up in one. Like she was his magic. I loved how he looked at her...and I thought, 'When I grow up, I want my husband to look at me like that..."

Another thing he and my mom had in common...their viewings and funerals were attended by so many people. They were loved. They were appreciated.

He was just a good guy.

Today is their anniversary. Happy Anniversary Jamie...you were...and are...well loved.

Folks, my cousin, Jamie:

"Laughter through tears....

The first time I saw him I was 15 years old and it was the end of the school year. He was tall and handsome, with perfect hair! I never got close enough to see then that he had blue eyes. He wore a T shirt from the High School track team. A ringer Tee....green with dark green lettering, short sleeves and those strong arms that I grew to feel so protected within. He was older than me, by 2 years, but I didn't know that then. Only knew that he was really handsome and after I saw him I kinda forgot about him. Then a few weeks later I saw him again, same place....the skating rink. Nearly every boy I had ever fallen for had been met at the skating rink. But he was different, he wasn't a skater. He was worse, he was a JOCK! Mr. All Star Track Runner. Long legs and a killer smile! Not the lady killer smile though. Genuine. Nice. And who would have thought that a jock could be genuine and nice? It just didn't happen!

I saw him Friday night, I didn't usually go Friday night. I was a Saturday night girl. But Friday night and here I am, skating with my friend and talking to boys I have no interest in when I saw him. Saw him talking to my friend in the center of the rink. Watching them from the sidelines I can tell my friend is working it....working it HARD. Flirting her best which looks pretty sad because it's obvious to everyone but her that he isn't interested at all. He's not even looking at her, he's looking around like he's lost something. Finally I just have to save her because it's too painful to watch. Even though I know by interrupting them I risking her wrath. She's going to think I am trying to "steal him" away even though it's clear he isn't into her. But then I wonder to myself why is he talking to her? Turns out he knows her from school and saw ME with her and is pumping her for information about me!!! He wants to talk to me! He looks at me like I'm interesting and smiles at me as if to say I'm pleasant to look at...and it's working! I'm smiling back at him and we are falling into very easy conversation. He notices my necklace, it's a gift from my Grandma. It's a little gold octagon and in the center is my astrological sign....the Ram. Aries. Bullheaded, just a little hard to convince for sure! That's me to a T! He says he's an Aries too...yeah, yeah, yeah so are a bunch of people. When is your birthday he asks and I tell him March 28th. His eyes get wide and I think to myself " DON'T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME YOUR BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME DAY"....I'm suddenly thinking my Romeo has grown sharks teeth! No, he says. It's the 29th. SNAP! Right! I'm sure I rolled my eyes, I didn't believe him for one second!! Not even I am that gullible! He pulls out his drivers license and points to the little box that says March 29, 1963. I am a schmuck! Then he smiles and you know what? The rest of that night I was on cloud 9! Cliche as it is, love at first sight...and I was gone. Hook. Line and Sinker! He was soft spoken, opened doors for me and looked into my eyes when I was talking. We sat up all that night, until about 5am. On the grass at my friends house talking. Sitting cross legged facing each other we learned all about each other...a lifetime in only a few hours. Time stood still. We lived years in those hours as love found home in hearts that were far too young for such devotion.

We spent too much time together with nothing to do and as stupid teenagers will we found something to do that soon changed our lives forever.

I wanted to get married on New Years Eve. Just our families and the Bishop. TaDa and be done with it. But no, Momma insisted we have a wedding. So, we had a wedding. White dress, tuxedos, flowers and cake. The whole 9 yards. I felt stupid, sending invitations with little kids on them cause I felt like a little kid. I said it was because I thought they were cute but I really felt like we were playing house. I didn't feel that way on July 2, 1981. I was 16. I was about to give birth! Oh My God! Catherine was a beautiful baby and I loved her so much the moment she was born I was changed so dramatically. And I was petrified of her. Of what I couldn't teach her. Of the kind of Mother I wouldn't be for her. I was so stupid and so scared. I felt as if every person who saw me could see my fear, my terror of failure and was laughing at me. Now, she's the most beautiful woman I know and I think....I couldn't have been nearly the horrible Mother I was afraid of because I did that....I raised her and she learned something from me. Maybe the only thing she ever learned from me was love, but love is enough.

The three of us grew up together. Learning new things everyday. Happy with our choice and making a life far from what either of us had ever dreamed. Those were good times. The best of the best!

You know how you think you life all figured out? You know how they say the light at the end of the tunnel is just around the bend.....the light usually turns out to be a freight train!

Life is perfect! We wait and pray for another baby. For nearly 10 years we try and try. Disappointment became common. Then BOOM! Arielle! 10 1/2 years younger than her sister. I'm not so scared this time. She can cry without me thinking the world has come to an end. I don't berate myself if she gets diaper rash. I hold her when she cries because I know she isn't crying because she hates me. I learned more from Catherine than she ever did from me about love. She taught me it's OK not to be perfect. Because I wasn't perfect and she still loves me. Still kissed me goodnight every night even if I had scolded her. Still hugged me and said "I love you Mommy" even if I told her no. Love has a funny way of turning you into the person you always wanted to be. Love is the only thing that keeps you afloat when life tries to drown you.

Life came close to drowning me on June 10, 1993. A beautiful summer day. The ugliest day of my life. Ever. I will grow to be an old woman and my tears will never dry because of that day.

It took me weeks to write in my journal that he had died. I couldn't put the words died and Wendell in the same sentence, even in my head. It made it too real, too painful if that was possible. The drowning started at the hospital when a well meaning DR tried to break it to me gently. As if the news would be less catastrophic if he didn't actually say "your husband is dead Mrs. Larsen". I remember I was standing, facing the DR, then it was black. But not just dark black. DEAD black. The blackest black you can imagine and me in the middle of it lost, alone and forsaken. Nothing left to be for. Happy again? Never, not ever. I'll never smile again and never see the sun. If you buy him then you just as well bury me too because I am as dead as he.

Down came the rain....Wendell was dead. The love of my life. The Father of our children.

I'm dead.

Up comes the sun....Arielle, 17 months old. Innocence and light. Love. I feel her two tiny hands on my cheeks. Swirling in my black dark. Those two little pink hands pulled me back from the depths of hell, back into life. Catherine and Arielle LARSEN. My children. HIS children. And they are parts of him that no one can take from me.

I learned from Wendell that love knows no boundaries. That love is patient, kind and true. Love is sanding a cradle in the garage in the middle of the winter until midnight and getting up at 6am to go to work. Love is sliding down the driveway on a shovel. Love is a phone call from a pay phone during the deer hunt. Love is wearing a paper apron and cut out tools on Father's Day. Love is sticky fingerprints on clean walls and mowing the lawn with a baby watching you from the window. Love is a little blue bunny won at Lagoon. Love is "tell me again Momma, what was Daddy like?" Love is never left to wonder, it always tells you. The last words I heard him speak. The words that will carry me through are the words he lived by "I love you Jamie." And I love you too Wendell! Always!"

(thanks for sharing jamie...i appreciate it and love you muchly...)

Love This Song...

2012-01-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Years ago, when I was primary chorister, I was supposed to teach the kiddos this beautiful new song called, "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus".

At this time, they didn't want us using pictures or things like that to teach the songs...and so for this song, I had little Brittany and little Gavin (they were 5-ish) come up for the line: I'm trying to love my neighbor...

And every time I hear this song, I think of those two little people, with their arms around each other.

I love the song anyway, just a beautiful song...but I love the memory that it brings...

So, he talks for a moment, but then he sings so very nice...

Flashback Friday

2012-01-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

"Thanksgiving" 2008

Jakob, Jaycey, & William

This is how we roll at family parties, no quiet subdued affair 'round these parts...

(Will is an awesome "rough-housing" uncle...nice watch!)

Policeman's Prayer

2012-01-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

Policeman's Prayer

When I start my tour of duty God,

Wherever crime may be,

As I walk the darkened streets alone,

Let me be close to thee.

Please give me understanding with both the young and old.

Let me listen with attention until their story's told.

Let me never make a judgement in a rash or callous way,

But let me hold my patience let each man have his say.

Lord if some dark and dreary night,

I must give my life,

Lord, with your everlasting love

Protect my children and my wife.

- Author Unknown

Officer Jared Francom

Ogden City Police Department

Seven Years Served

End of Watch - 5 Jan 2012

(ksl story HERE...deseret news story HERE...)

The Thin Blue Line

2012-01-05T02:17:00.000-07:00

The Thin Blue Line

An emblem representing the camaraderie of police officers...

An image that serves as a reminder of the line between chaos and control on our streets...

A line that separates the "good guys" and the "bad guys"...

A symbol to the memory of fallen officers...

Right about now, I wouldn't want to be a criminal anywhere near Ogden.

Right about now, I wouldn't want to talk smack on any law enforcement officer anywhere near me.

Right now...I ought to be sleeping. Instead, I'm crying and worried and upset.

Because just a bit ago, a good man died.

And he ought not have.

Because, just a bit ago, I was on the phone with my baby brother...my big tough cop of a baby brother...and I hear him cry...and it breaks my heart. And he says things that I know that many other cops are saying right now, but it breaks my heart...because every single one of them is irreplaceable...every single one of them. And it's none of their fault. The fault lies with the criminal who shot six police officers. It lies only with that person.

You know, the one who is probably just fine.

While a good cop was killed.

And another one's life is hanging in there...

And four others were shot.

But the bad guy?

He'll be okay.

There's nothing right about this. There's nothing good about this. There's nothing that can make this okay.

A wife is without her husband. Children are without their father. Parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, and friends don't get to say goodbye. They are just thrusted a huge gaping hole that they have to live with. All because a good man had the desire and courage to protect and defend his city.

And close-by, there's another wife...other children...family members...who are waiting...

A major tragedy happened a few hours ago in Ogden, Utah. Six officers were shot in the line of duty.

I feel fortunate that my brother was off-duty...that he wasn't one of those six.

I don't feel happy about it...I don't feel lucky...I'm glad that he's okay, but there are others that lost...and I am just heartbroken for them.

I am heartbroken listening to the man that I view as 'my boy' hurting...and angry...and blaming himself...because that's what they do...even if there is no rational reason why he ought to be blaming himself, I know he's not the only one.

And that is sad.

These men and women put their lives on the line every flippin' day.

Every day.

I don't even know what else to say.

I promised my brother that I will remember Jared's name for the rest of my life.

I aim to keep that promise.

There's a group of people that are hurting right now. This group of people are held dear to my brother. Therefore, they're dear to me. And had my brother been working tonight, it could have easily been him.

My heart and prayers go out to so many right now.

I am sad. I am concerned.

This person didn't have the right to do this. He didn't have the right to cause such destruction.

There is nothing right about this.

Nothing.

And William, I'm just so sorry.

A Real Vacation!

2012-01-04T12:36:00.002-07:00

Yeah!

We're having ourselves a vacation...I know because the airplane tickets are bought...I know because before I clicked the 'purchase' button, I hollered into the other room "I'm going to buy them..." and he said good and then I printed it out so he can make sure his days off match...

And once they're bought...you have to go.

Because there aren't any take-backs.

Well, I'm sure there are, but...we're going to act like there aren't any.

So I'm excited! Because we haven't taken a vacation together for quite some time.

And it's a new state for both of us...a few new states...I plan on seeing as much as I can plan.

Around naps of course.

Because naps on vacation are important.

And I plan on not being so frickin' anal with my planning.

And yes, I see the humor in planning on that.

That's all for now...I need to get chores done before I take him away from my *stupid netbook for a date.

*Stupid netbook: I shall have to post about that thing...because I don't want to ruin this post.

Never Would Have Guessed...

2012-01-02T16:26:00.002-07:00

So...I got an email that surprised me...

NEVER would I have expected to see such a thing...

Take a gander:

Yeah...that's me...NFL pick 'em with the clan...don't knock the gal who always picks Seahawks and refuses to pick Miami...don't even know why they made me angry a few years ago, but I remember being very upset with them, so I never pick them out of spite. And now I just exposed my rationale.

And yes, you'll notice Doug's name isn't on there...because he really seriously did "retire" from sports during the final NHL game last night. He turned off the tv when it appeared that his Canucks were not going to win the series (i sure hope that was proper terminology) and hasn't watched anything since.

Except for a few minutes on the tvs in restaurants here and there.

I know. Weird.

Anyway.

I don't expect to stay on top. But it'd be nice to have the bronze unicorn back...maybe I'll win. Maybe I won't. But I have this moment.

Yeah baby.

I have today!

Happy New Year!!!

2012-01-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

There's this lady named Camille...and I just adore her...

Last night, on facebook, she sent me a picture...thanks Camille. You rock!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

In case the Mayan's simply didn't run out of room in their circle...make it the best year yet!

So Long 2011

2011-12-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine told me she was looking forward to my annual 'year in a minute'...she was going to see how honest and open I was about this year. I told her oh okay...I'll be open and honest!

Not.

There was far too much crap this past year. It started with crap about Doug's job...proceeded into family crap and people having hard feelings towards me for things that I never said or did...every time I think it's over, nope...there goes something else that was said... Again, if I said it, thought it, or did it...I'll own it. Good, bad, ugly..I only have myself to blame. So when it's not even the truth that is going around and I can do nada about it? OH SO VERY FRUSTRATING!!!

I'd love to say it only got better from then on, but...then I'd be lying. So I won't. Because the year didn't get better from there on out. There were good things...good times...good moments...but, overall, this year pretty much sucked. Even Doug, who is usually the optimist around here, agrees with me on that fact.

So what have I learned? What do I continue to learn?

That I am so grateful that I'm partnered up with Doug.

That people far better than me have been treated far worse..unfairly as well.

That I have no control over what people say, do, or feel. Period. I barely have control over myself.

Even good people suck sometimes. I can love them regardless. From a distance...emotionally/literally. Even God approves of healthy boundaries.

That some of the most difficult times are watching your children make decisions that you'd really rather them not...but regardless, they will always be my babies and I will always fiercely love them. Period. And I'll never trade my front-row seat to their lives for anything. Period.

With that being said...another explanation...

You did not get my 'year in a minute' in a Christmas card this year. While visiting in-laws in Cheyenne, I did some Christmas shopping. Part of that shopping included some awesome cards. Let me tell you, they were so good!!! And then...alas...they were not in the car when we got home. Hope someone enjoys what they found in a Hobby Lobby bag in some parking lot somewhere in good ol' Cheyenne. It's still bothering me...so, in my lovely way of having an attitude, I refused to buy more cards. Because nothing here was as cool as the ones I already bought and lost somewhere. So I didn't send out cards this year.

So...without further ado (the above doesn't count against my time for this minute) ... 2011-in-a-minute ... The little clip art at the top is basically how I feel about crap that this year shoved in our direction.

(you can click on the picture and it'll get a bit bigger for you to read)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

HERE'S TO AN AWESOME 2012!!!

Christmas Day...

2011-12-30T23:49:00.002-07:00

So...to be fair...and fairness is a huge motivator for me...before we hit on Christmas, we ought to finish Christmas Eve...

So...one of these days, I'll just carry the camera with me, I didn't get a lot of pictures...until then, here's a small glimpse into our family party (lol...i forgot to take out the 'my movie' frame):

Then we had a quick stop to leave cookies at the cemetery. I jokingly said, okay...all of you lay on your tummies...Jaycey gave me a push up...

Then we headed north to have dinner...then back to the hotel...to set up for Christmas...our makeshift Christmas tree...

And then...Christmas jammies!

Then...to Christmas morning...which was oh so very early...because Kim was scheduled to work at 5am...Josh covered for her until we were finished with opening presents...thank you Josh...then we had waffles...then we went back to bed...well, not Kim.

A few things overheard while opening presents:

Jaycey, opening her edge brownie pan: These commercials are so convincing!!!
Brittany, pointing to the box: Jaycey, these are so convincing!!!

Brittany: If I open it, it's mine...
Jaycey: Wait! If that's the rule, I'm opening them all!!!

Brittany, feeling a present: It feels like a tampon.
(it wasn't a tampon)

Doug & I searched for lunch. Seemed to come down to 7-11 or movie theatres...so we went to see the new Mission Impossible...IMAX...I mean, it's Christmas! Visited with his sister...met up with the girls to go to Temple Square and look at the lights...had a few fun shots while waiting for Josh & Kim...that'll have to be another post...got in one family shot before someone...who shall remain nameless...got their nose out of joint and pooped on the whole evening.

One of us is blurry...one of us looks like a Russian granny...one of us is barely visible under their blanket...but, it was the only one we got. So, it's what we have.

When we got to Temple Square, I was taking a picture of Brittany and my phone was taking a long time since it was dark...she moved...and the picture freaked us out. So, of course, I am going to share...

And yes, she's wearing three hoodies there. And still doesn't look like a stay-puff-marshmallow woman.

Over all...short of the snit that someone pulled on Christmas night, it was a magnificent day.

Even Vincent liked his present...

Flashback Friday

2011-12-30T23:15:00.001-07:00

Christmas Eve 2010

Kimberly, Jaycey, & Brittany

Christmas jammies time! Adjoining hotel rooms...

Christmas Eve...

2011-12-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well folks...2011 is almost over...

Excuse me while I do a happy dance...

...

Now, before the year is over, I ought to get a few things posted...like, more about me and the girls' cruise...my trip to San Francisco...ha ha!!! It's not happening...but I can get some Christmas memories up...

On Christmas Eve, we had my side of the family's Christmas Party. I haven't downloaded pictures from Doug's camera yet, so you, the ever lucky duck, get to look at a few pictures from my 'lovely' phone camera.

But first...I'm going to share a few things that humored me.

Some texts from my sister:

Text #1: Almost on the freeway.

Text #2: Heading back home, left the rolls on the oven. :-P

Text #3: In the oven.

Text #4: On the freeway. :-)

A "conversation" between my niece and nephew...siblings...:

Mark, walking up to us: I hear you were wondering where I was.

Andrea: I was never wondering where you were.

Mark: Okay (then turns and walks away)

One of our little nieces:

Leanna: Uncle Doug, I need to leave.

Doug: Can I tell you goodbye?

Leanna: (shakes her head and walks away)

This is what a grandma looks like:

This is what two little cousins that don't want to share and are have to look like:

This is what our table looked like after we ate our Christmas Eve dinner...Doug's taking the picture:

And to wrap this particular post up...a few years ago, we had this fun group shot that started with, oh...4 people? Ended up being a kind of goofy photo shoot where we were hollering for people to jump in the picture and taking a series of photos...ended up with a very large group of people and I love those pictures. So, before leaving the party, we had a mini-one-of-those-sessions...

Still one of my favorite things to do...I'm easily entertained...started with a Leanna who misses her Kimmie...ended with my nose...one of these days, I'll use an actual camera...

Sacrament Meeting Christmas Program

2011-12-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

(i pulled this together from some other programs & lds.org & music that i love...and i so appreciate my choir director, my choir, my bishop...for trusting me without previewing it...it's not perfect, but i'm happy with how it turned out.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas Sacrament Program 2011

PRIMARY CHILD: TheLamanite prophet Samuel foretold the birth of the Savior five years before ithappened. The people would not letSamuel into Zarahemla to preach, so he stood on a city wall and proclaimed…

PRIMARY – SAMUEL TELLS OF BABY JESUS

NARRATOR: FromElder Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Two travelers – a man and a woman – looked upon asmall city, Bethlehem. The woman, heavy with child, had beentraveling from Nazareth. The long journey was most difficult and souncomfortable for her.

Due to a sudden influx of visitors,every inn, every room in the city was occupied. The only place Joseph and Mary could find shelter was in a place wherecattle were kept. And so He was born:Jesus the Christ, the Messiah, the Beloved Son of God. The Creator of suns and moons and swirlingseas lay wrapped in swaddling clothes, His surrounding among the most humbleearth had to offer.”

PRIMARY – PICTURE A CHRISTMAS

NARRATOR: ElderWirthlin continued, “At a very early age and continuing throughout my life, Ihave marveled at the beautiful story of the birth of our Lord and Savior, JesusChrist. The inspiring part of it all wasthe announcement through the prophets in the Old Testament and the Book ofMormon. They knew the plan of salvationand the major part He would play in saving all mankind. The singing of the angels as the shepherds intheir field were informed of the greatest even of history, and the Wise Menfrom the Far East who followed the star of Bethlehem – these inspired events captured mylove and understanding of our beloved Savior.

Asan Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, I testify to you this day that the timewill come when every one of us will look into the Savior’s loving eyes. And we will know then with a surety that achild was born to Mary who was indeed the Son of God, the Savior of theworld. We will know that no grief is sogreat, no pain so profound, no burden so unbearable that it is beyond His healingtouch.

Heasks that we believe in Him, that we learn of Him, that we strive to follow Histeachings. That each one of us may neverforget the sacredness of this event and celebrate His birth by coming unto Himand keeping His commandments…”

Luke, Chapter 2reads: “And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree fromCaesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed…And all went to be taxed,every one into his own city. And Josephalso went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth,into Judea, until the city of David, which iscalled Bethlehem;To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there,the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, andwrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there wasno room for them in the inn.”

CHOIR – FROM FATHER'S ARMS TO MOTHER'S ARMS

NARRATOR: Marybrought forth her firstborn son,and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger. Often nativities are represented in this way,with the baby Jesus in a manger, and parents Mary and Joseph looking over himadoringly. Imagine the scene that is alltoo familiar with the variation of Mary, alone with her baby after theshepherds have looked on in amazement and the angel’s songs are over. She had the opportunity to hold him lovinglyin her arms, adore his tiny features and think about the incredible love shehad for her helpless infant who even as a full grown man would remain eternallyinnocent. For even just a few preciousmoments, Mary had the Savior of the world, her own personal Redeemer, all toherself. “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”

QUARTET – ONE SMALL BABE

NARRATOR: Quotedfrom ‘The Living Christ, The Testimony of the apostles of The Church of JesusChrist of Latter-Day Saints’, “As WE COMMEMORATE the birth of Jesus Christ twomillennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life andthe infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influenceupon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth…

Wesolemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neitherbegan in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He wasthe Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemerof the world…

Hisway is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in theworld to come. God be thanked for thematchless gift of His divine Son.”

PresidentGordon B. Hinckley said, “…at this Christmas season, we sing His praises andspeak our words of faith and gratitude and love. It is His influence in our lives that stirswithin us more kindness, more respect, more love, more concern. It is because of Him and His teachings thatwe reach out to those in trouble, distress, and need wherever they may be.

“Itis proper during this season…that we remember the Lord Jesus Christ in reverenceand with love. He has done for us whatwe could not do for ourselves. He hasbrought meaning to our mortal existence. He has given us the gift of eternal life. He was and is the Son of God, who was “madeflesh, and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth.

Godbe thanked for the gift of His Son, the Redeemer of the world, the Savior ofmankind, the Prince of Life and Peace, the Holy One.”

CHOIR – JOY TO THEWORLD

(an arrangement i got years ago from elda jones...)

NARRATOR: In theDecember 1993 Ensign, Philip J. Smith wrote: As the experiences of an ever-increasing number of Christmases pastchange our view of Christmases present and future, we long for the elusive butcommon ingredient of each past dream and each past gift. We wish for one new gift: the gift of peacefor us, our families, our loved ones, our neighbors, and the world. It was in fact the gift of peace that waspromised by the angels on that first Christmas night. From him who was born the Prince of Peace, wereceive a great gift: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not atthe world giveth, give I unto you. Letnot your heart be trouble, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

…Heis the only source of peace – his birth was announced as the gift of peace; hislife brought us the gospel of peace; his death made him the founder and fatherof peace for each of us.

Ashis birth heralded peace on earth, our spiritual rebirth in him is the path tothat peace in our own lives. It is whenour hearts are changed through faith in him that we are reborn. That change comes only when we are willing tobecome “as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing tosubmit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict” upon us. (Mosiah 3:19)

…Wewill find neither rebirth nor peace until we reach out with our hearts and“above all things, clothe [ourselves] with the bond of charity, as with amantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.” (D&C 88:125)

Whenwe finally decide that what we reallywant is what he wants, when werelinquish our pride and submit to his will, peace comes.”

SOLO –PEACE, PEACE, PEACE

NARRATOR: Overtwo thousand years ago, you and I, every one of us in this room, peered outover the veil of time and distance and watched with wonder as the birth of ourSavior took place here on earth. We wereall there. The fact that we are all hereright now is proof of that.

Whata glorious occasion that must have been! Not moments before, the Savior stood in our midst. Perhaps He gave you a hug, shook your hand,put His arm around you, or stared lovingly into your eyes. He probably smiled, a broad, loving confidentsmile that said to us, “Fear not, for this day I am about my Father’swork. The work that will someday bringus back together to dwell with one another forever. I shall not be gone long, and when I returnwe will rejoice together the same as we now rejoice at my going.”

Andwhen the exact moment was right, He vanished from our presence and began Hisexquisite journey. This was it! This was the moment we had waited for! This was the part of our Father’s plan mostprecious and holy! Our love for ourelder brother could not have been stronger. Our gratitude and humility for what He was about to do could not havebeen deeper. So glorious was this moment,that we spontaneously joined our voices together and began to sing! At some point, the veil dividing the heavensand the earth was rent, and some of us were allowed to visit the earth and singpraises to God and His Son, Jesus Christ. Yes, we were there. You andI. Shouting and singing. Praising and rejoicing.

CHOIR – WERE YOU THERE ON THAT CHRISTMAS NIGHT?

NARRATOR: PresidentDavid O. McKay declared: “True happiness comes only by making others happy –the practical application of the Savior’s doctrine of losing one’s life to gainit. In short, the Christmas spirit isthe Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendshipand prompts us to kind deeds of service.

Itis the spirit of the gospel of Jesus Christ, obedience to which will bring‘peace on earth,’ because it means – good will toward all men.

Giving,not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, andGod obeyed. The spirit of Christmasilluminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world’sbusy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the “spirit ofChristmas,” we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the “Spirit ofChrist.”

Duringthe 2010 First Presidency Christmas Devotional, President Dieter F. Uchtdorfgave us three things to do as we prepare for the Christmas season. First, rejoice in the birth of ourSavior. Second, ponder His influence inour lives today. Third, look steadfastlyfor His coming.

PresidentUchtdorf ended his talk with the following statement: “I pray that during thisseason and always, we will see the purity of the story of the Savior’s birthand feel sincere gratitude for His life, teachings, and saving sacrifice forus. May this gratitude cause us to renewour determination to follow Him. May italso lead us to draw closer to our family, our church, and our fellowmen. And may we look steadfastly forward to thatblessed day when the resurrected Christ will walk the earth again as our Lord,our King, and our blessed Savior.

Ipray that each and every one of you will have a wonderful and merry Christmasseason. I leave you my love andblessings in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

CLOSING SONG - #202 OH, COMEALL YE FAITHFUL

Treats Exchange

2011-12-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

Today is a cookie exchange.

But my sister said she was thinking of bringing cake pops.

And I thought...I'm going to make Grandma Bingham's sugar cookies...see if I remember them.

And when I pulled my first batch out of the oven, my eyes watered...because I remember that smell.

And when I took my first bite, my eyes watered again...because I remember mom's cookies tasting like these...and that made me smile. Because awhile back, I found cookie cutters like she had when I was little, so I used them to make these cookies. P.S. These are pain in the butt cookie cutters...no wonder she rarely made roll out cookies...closed cookie cutters...don't buy them!

After I got the cookies finished...

I made cream cheese mints...cuz I haven't made them for a long time. And if LaDawn is bringing cake pops, then I can bring mints, right? And then, we can just eat the cookies...

So that's what I'm doing.

We'll share these:

And eat these:

I am now officially cookie'd out.

Excuse me while I pick myself up...I never thought I'd think those words...

I'll do some more next year. But for now, I'm finished.

p.s. susan got me a picture of her tree...so my christmas tree parade has been updated...you can click HERE and see her tree...they're alphabetical...cuz that's how i am...

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!

Flashback Friday

2011-12-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

December 2006

Jaycey, and quite possibly, her favorite Santa ever.

Missing Finger Parts

2011-12-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's okay.

No pictures of missing finger parts...nor the main finger that remains.

My little great-nephew got the tip of his finger 'removed' by a door. I hear, courtesy of one of his older sisters.

Older sisters are good for things like that.

I know...cuz my older sister slammed my finger in a car door..and locked the door so I couldn't get in (we were fighting over sitting arrangements...she beat me to the car). So I'm standing there screaming. She's inside the car thinking that I'm just being a brat (under another circumstance, she'd probably been right). I'm wanting her to OPEN THE DOOR!!!!! She's not going to. She has no clue that my finger is IN THAT CRACK!

No hurry for anyone to open the door. Because Connie is probably just angry and wanting to get in...

Then, my brother sees what's going on.

And, I swear this is true, he runs and with one hand on the hood of the car, jumps over the entire hood of the car. It was A-MAZ-ING!!!!!! I'm screaming, but I'm thinking he's a superhero and he whips open the front door, unlocks the back door and opens it...lickity split. And then, with lightning speed myself, I grab my pinkie...not going to let go for anything...because I'm sure if I do it will fall off. And I see my sister's face as she realizes why I was screaming...I know she's sorry.

Still hurts like the devil though.

Neither my mom nor my brother could pry my fingers off my pinkie so they could see what damage had been done. So we go to the emergency room.

Am I going to show the doctor?

Heck no!

Remember? If I let go, my pinkie will fall off. And I do not want that.

They're pulling on my fingers...finally, they convince me to let them look.

Know what I got?

A frickin' bandaid.

That's all.

And a cool "C" scar.

All that fuss for a bandaid.

Which probably costs my mom a jillion dollars. She wasn't pleased with my theatrics. In my defense, it was scary to see my finger shut in the door..how would it NOT fall off? In her defense, she didn't yell at me. I just go the look.

That's story number one.

Story number two...back when I was in driving school...I didn't get my drivers license until my mid-20's...my friend was watching my girls this one day. I get home and Brittany is crying, her hand has a bloody washcloth wrapped around it...my friend rushes out and talking real fast lets me know this just happened and she was about to call the doctor or something...there was a lot of commotion going on...with Britt crying...her kids upset...my kids upset...Jen upset...

Story is..for some odd reason, Aaron and Brittany were cutting the grass. With scissors.

It gets better.

There came a point when Aaron couldn't cut through the grass and so he pushed really really hard...and the rest is history.

The reason the grass wouldn't cut is because it was really Brittany's finger...in that grass...

???

Later, I asked her why she didn't tell him to stop?

Later, I asked him why he didn't stop when it was hard to cut....

He was so upset and maybe crying as much as she was...because he cut the top side of her finger off...

I thought, this has to be an exaggeration...how can you accidentally cut someones finger off with regular scissors? When you're like 5 years old? So I pull back the washcloth to look.

Oh my. Shouldn't have done that.

Where my daughter's cute finger, that I knew so well, had been round, it now had a flat surface...and it was completely the wrong color...like...I don't want to see body tissue...I shuddered just then remembering.

I maintain...because mom freaking out does no one any good. And, to be honest, this is a ridiculous situation. There's a good amount of blood for a normal day, but it's kind of funny. Not that I'm not concerned, but, come on, my friend just had to tell me that her son cut off a part of my daughter's finger. A small part, but still...not high on the list of things you want to tell your friend.

There's no finger chunk in the grass.

There are crying children.

There's nothing the doctor can do. No use stitching...there's nothing to stitch. He said she'd probably have sensitivity in that part of her finger.

And she had a little flatter part for that curve of her finger for a time.

Funny story.

Anyway...back to the beginning. I think my nephew is missing more of his finger...because his daddy said, "to the bone". And luckily, I didn't see Brittany's bone.

But..more to the point, doesn't he look like a little trooper? This is the injured party with his daddy at the hospital...dang, but he's a cute little boy.

Time Lapse

2011-12-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

My husband loves his puzzles.

And this past year? There's been a lot of puzzles put together on my table.

Like...a lot. As in, a lot a lot.

Did you know there are preferred brands of puzzles? Yeah. There are. And those of us who didn't know that are looked at like we're crazy. For not knowing brands. Like, the king of all puzzles...Springbok.

Puzzles even get my brother-in-law to visit when he's passing through. He'll say, "I'm just here for a few minutes..." And then he sits down and puzzles with Doug and a few hours later, he leaves. A few times, he's sat there until it's finished. And then we send him home with one from our "done" stack.

With the last puzzle, Doug had an idea...he wanted a time lapse video.

So he set up his camera and tripod....balanced it on a chair so he could just reach up and push the button...made marks where it was set up...and then got out that handy dandy tool called duct tape.

Which ended up being a good thing.

Because, I did try to avoid his table, but...I did bump that stinkin' chair a few times...and think, "CRAP!" But the tape held strong. And when it was finished and taken down, the tape didn't leave any marks...which I was a tad nervous about...

Here is Springbok's Christmas Village being put together:

Cut Out Cookie Challenge

2011-12-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

Still not done with cookies...almost...but not quite...

So...last week, Jaycey challenged me.

Well, not quite challenged me, but she did send me a picture of cookies made by some Lynda's Sweet Edibles:

Which, I took as a challenge of sorts.

So. I proceeded to do another batch of cookies...and I learned a few things. Like...for this type of cookie, I need to do my frosting more towards toothpaste consistency and less towards the shower gel consistency (which is what works for the regular cookies). And I wouldn't rush the attachment phase...I'd let them dry a few more hours before sticking them together. AND...I would use the next circle cookie cutter up. A little bigger cookie base would work better.

So, I learned. It was good.

And now, I shall go outside of my comfort zone and show you my first attempt.

My cookies that aren't quite up to what I envisioned...and the gingerbread people look more like some sort of Halloween skeleton...which humors me...and the angels look more like some weird bird...that just seems wrong.

And then...because I love my new found skill of sealing cookies...

Bagging Cookies

2011-12-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

Tired of cookie posts yet?

NEVER!!!

So...one of the cookie blogs I follow had this post about how to safely ship cookies. Perfect timing for me! So I read and get to ordering stuff I need. She makes gorgeous NOT BROWNED sugar cookies, shows us other ones she finds (if only we just 'found' good sugar cookies while going about our lives), and gives us hints and suggestions. Wonderful blog. You can read all about the sweet adventures of Sugarbelle HERE.

Back on track to my lesson for you today. I read, I practiced (really didn't take practicing, it was super duper easy) and now I'm showing you what I learned! With bad phone pictures to boot! I know...you are thinking how did you get to be so lucky...eh?

And my dear husband completely played along with me...with my excitement...I even got a fist bump. Almost every time I was showing him more of my new 'toys'. Yeah, they're cookies...but...you gotta understand...this is so much fun!

So...first...you buy a cheap flat iron. This isn't for your hair...this is for your treat bags.

Put it on the low setting...we want to melt, not burn.

Put your cookie in the treat bag...

Take your low-heated flat iron and seal the treat bag...I thought there would be a mess...nope. Not on low. It melts the bag and doesn't leave anything on the flat iron. AWESOME!!! (that was in a sing song voice) You can kind of see the seal between the arrows in the picture...

Then...take your handy dandy scissors and cut in the middle of the seal..because now, you can use the "excess" treat bag to seal more cookies! A nifty cool way to seal cookies AND get more usage out of your treat bags!!! Nifty and thrifty! See the cut seal?

Then...your cookie is nicely sealed up ready to go to their new home...

Works on all shapes and sizes! For the mini cookies, you just make more seals around the cookie. I am SO in love with my new toy!!!

Who'd of thunk...a flat iron...

Dear Facebook...

2011-12-19T23:00:00.001-07:00

Dear Facebook,

As much as you think you know everything...

The answer to your question is: No. These pictures were NOT taken in Sri Lanka.

But thanks for asking. Thanks for making me laugh.

Good try. Better luck next time.

Company Box

2011-12-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

An exciting thing that happened this month is that I was hired to do a "Christmas Treat Box" for my sister's client.

I was most jazzed about this.

Still am...kind of...okay, I still am.

So...armed with the budget, that I really didn't pay much attention to, I mean, she's my sister...let's get real, I'm not making bank off my sister!

So...armed with my ideas...and hoping for the best...I set out to make my sister happy that she asked me to take care of her business.

We had gingerbread cookies...

A bunch of mini chocolate sugar cookies...

I'm not a huge fan of eating cake pops, but I had to try a candy cane cake pop...it was very good...

Caramel popcorn...

Bigger chocolate sugar cookies...

Various sugar cookies...

Trees...Candy Canes...

Mini gingerbread cookies also...

Boxed up cookies...

Did you see the cute little "MommaC" that Brittany whipped up for me in a few seconds?

Cake pops ready to ship...

Caramel popcorn and ornament for their tree...see? They match...

And a little 'Merry Christmas'...

Thanks for trusting me Tamra! I enjoyed it! Hope it all arrives safe and sound and they have taste buds deliriously with joy.

Some Favorites...

2011-12-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Besides the lights...

There are a few other things on my tree that I love.

The story of two magical ornaments. They're magical because of how I got them. An hour before, and hour after, it may not have come up. One day I went to visit my mom and Susan was there visiting also. Mom's tree was up (have I ever mentioned that mom loved loved LOVED Christmas?) and they were looking at ornaments...mom had just given Susan an ornament or two...or...I don't know how many, I just know that this was a BRILLIANT IDEA!!! And...HOW HAPPY WAS I THAT I HAPPENED TO SHOW UP RIGHT THEN!!! And...mom was more than happy to share a few ornaments with me. So. I got a red ornament with white flocking stuff on it that I remember from when I was little. AND...it didn't stop there. She gave me another ornament from HER mom's tree. It wasn't in the best of shape...the gold paint is all cracked.

Ask me if I care.

I do not even come close to caring.

Because they're from my mom's and my grandma's tree!!!

Now...if only I knew of a cousin who has ornaments from my other grandma's tree and can spare one...eh? Kathlene? Jamie? Know of any of those floating around out there?

Back to the ornaments. They always get top of the tree billing. They will be just below the star. And still have the string that my mom tied them up with. And that thread will remain until it gets too brittle and breaks. And then? I may just glue the string onto a ribbon so it's still there. So, thanks to mom and Susan every year when I unwrap them and hang them in their spot. I love them...because I love the ladies that used to hang them on their tree each year.

This next one magically came into my life when I was listening to Brother Bouwhuis in church. Part of his talk was an example using this wooden lathe. This peeked my curiosity. So after, I asked him some questions...because when I grow up, I envision myself some sort of awesome carpenter... He invited me to come over to his house so I could see some of the stuff. Normally, I would find a way to get out of it...but this time, I went over. Heard all sorts of cool stories from him and his wife. He showed me amazing things he's made. And then...he gave me a Christmas ornament. Little did he know that ornaments are a big deal to me...because of a tradition I snitched from my eldest sister....I hope ornaments are a big deal to my daughters also. Anyway...every year when I unwrap this ornament, I think about Brother Bouwhuis and am grateful for his generosity. I love it.

A couple years, we made ornaments. These ones? I love them. Because they're my babies. And because the normally happy happy Jaycey...who had no issue with having pictures taken, was DONE with pictures before we had taken all we needed...so we still laugh at her hiding her face and crying...because it adds to the memory...and my other two with their little smiles...ah...my girls were the best little girls! And stinkin' cute to boot.

This little guy hanging out in a corner that photographed darkly...normally, I wouldn't care about a little bear. Correction, I don't like toy bears, real bears, now that's a different story, I love real bears. But not toy bears. But I got this one when I was 16 at church...from some Young Women leaders who didn't give up on me. And that's why I still have it...why I hang it up every year...why I love it...because they loved me.

Ah...this one is a miracle because I won a week long trip for me and Doug to Oahu! I'm ready to win another trip...do you hear me universe? I'm ready! :)

This one...honestly, I don't know who gave it to me. But I have a thing for old Corvettes. And someone got this one for me....so...maybe I'll get a comment from someone who knows how I got it...

This one I dug out of a box...this little beaded angel was made by my Great-Aunt Zelma. Whom I love very much. Cool old lady. Glad we got the chance to be around her and get to know her better. It's little, it's kind of dopey...and some might wonder why it's on my tree, but I don't care. That woman was a funny spunky lady who loved my mom. And the look on her face when she'd talk about her little brother, my grandpa, aaahhh...melt my heart. She loved my grandpa. And she loved me...

These ones don't photograph all that well...this is a picture of Doug's parents on their wedding day...

This is me and Doug right after we got married...our first married kiss was about to happen...

And here are my parents on their wedding day...

This is the "horn" thing that I swear Bryce stuck on our tree years ago...but I wrote Doug inside...so...I don't know. Maybe Doug told him to put it on? Either which way, it'll go on every year. For fun.

And the first year we put up my tree together...we weren't married yet, but the girls were going to be at their father's place...which was a mile from Doug's house...so we put up my tree at Doug's house and Christmas Day, the girls just came up to his place and we had our Christmas together...but he was kind of teasing us about our ornaments (the girls get a new one every year...we have memory lane putting the tree together). He got a toilet paper roll, folded it up, stuck a hook through it and put it on the tree...thinking we'd tell him to get it off...nope. We loved it. This is the 8th year on the tree...it gets top billing, just across from my mom & grandma's ornaments.

See the green circle in the picture below? I just can't let go of these. Years ago, when my girls were little, I made these halos for all the kiddos for our Taylor Christmas Party. To reenact the Nativity Story (might be the only time we did that)...so I made a bunch of these. The little girls loved them. I loved that they loved them. It's just wire star garland with green or red ribbon wound around them and hanging down their back. When we got home, I took my girls' halos and put them on the tree. Where they have lived ever since.

And then...just so you know what the girls are getting this year...I like to try to get something that relates to that year...if I can...doesn't always work out that way.... But...while we were in Ensenada this summer, I saw ornaments...said, how 'bout these for this year? They picked these dudes out...kind of funny because we didn't go to a zoo of any kind while on our 'girl trip'. We did not see wildlife...other than birds.

Merry Christmas!

And thanks for going down this road with me...

If You Say So...

2011-12-17T09:24:00.002-07:00

You know those lovely little features that you have on your phone?

Once upon a time, I turned on that stupid "Read Your Text to You" option. Quite often, I do not care for this...but do I just go back into my phone and turn it off?

Nope.

I just get annoyed.

And then go on about my day.

The other night, Doug and I were talking about this past year. It started with an innocent, "I'm so finished with this year" comment. Followed by a month-by-month recount of big stresses that have happened this year. Followed by someone agreeing with the other that 2011, has indeed, been a... *tricky* year.

Fast forward a half hour or so...I got some texts that I was sharing with Doug...and when I 'swished' to the last text, I accidentally 'swished' just a little too much and it went to the oldest saved text in my phone...you know, started all over again...and my phone reads that one aloud. Which just happened to be one from Doug from when I was on a short trip back in May...he looked at me and asked what that was...I told him it was an 'I love you' text from him back in May...he did a 'huh' sound...and then said:

"It wasn't so bad after all, huh?"

I looked at him. He looked right back at me. And then we laughed.

And I told him he was right...since he sends me 'I love you' texts...it COMPLETELY makes the year not so bad after all.

p.s. yesterday's parade of christmas trees has been updated with tara & dan's trees...you can click HERE to see them...

Christmas Tree Parade

2011-12-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up, we didn't get to put our tree up until today...which I always thought kind of sucked for my sister because it's her birthday...but then it was exciting because we'd be WAITING AND WAITING for that tree to go up!

I do not wait this long to put up my tree.

I want it up as soon as possible.

And to stay up as long as possible.

So, if you'll recall, a few weeks ago, I said: hey send me a picture of your tree and we'll have a parade on my blog!

Well...some of you were awesome and participated...

Some of you didn't participate...you can still be awesome, but...I'm raising my eyebrow at you.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite things about the Christmas season...

Chris & Stephanie's:

Dan & Barbara's (see the palm tree through the window? we so do not live in the same climate):

Emmitt's (he didn't have a tree...for shame! now he does...UofU?):

Jaycey's pink tree:

Kamille & Joey's (she doesn't even know i snuck this picture!):

Kathlene & Gary's Charlie Brown tree:

LaDawn & Jesse's FINALLY finished tree:

LaNae & Leanna's tree (she did send me a picture with the two of them, but i love this one cuz leanna's hanging out under the tree...the best place in the house...and notice the ornament heavy bottom of the tree...leanna decorated):

Nicole & Mike's flocked tree:

Susan & Todd's (i love the train):

Tamra & Dustin's (sean cut it down by himself this year!):

Tara & Rich's (look close, i think that's a moving child at the bottom of the picture):

And ours:

THANK YOU!!!
THIS HAS MADE ME HAPPY!!!

Flashback Friday

2011-12-16T10:57:00.001-07:00

September 2007

back: Mark, Robert, Ross

front: Caydi, Andrea, Abbie, Meaghan, Chloe, Brandon, Adam

Happy Birthday Karilyn!

(we're missing Tyler in this picture...some of these folks have added a lot of inches to their height...and two little boys have joined the family since this picture...with another on the way...cool beaners! i love this picture)

Christmas Card Laugh

2011-12-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I took a drive and had a late lunch with three awesome ladies (and two younger ones also).

When I got home, I got a text from my friend, it read:

"Hey lady! Great to see you and get my Connie fix. :) Did you open your car? I bet you think you're crazy: I found the visa card on the floor! Wow am I an airhead, I am mailing it to you asap. Sorry. I love you."

So I go open the card...and part of what I read:

"...Please take your family out to eat with this. Laugh, joke, smile & remember how important we all are to each other!..."

So then I laugh. Because I probably would have opened the card in a little bit, read that part and thought...okay...take this Christmas card to show Doug & the girls over dinner? Remind them that we love each other and she loves us too?

Okay.

I probably would have. And we would have laughed at our friend's odd request.

Made a few jokes at her expense...like: guess she really loves the cards she picked out this year...

Or: well, it IS a glittery card, guess it ought to get out and about...

lol...still making me chuckle.

I think I shall bring this card when we go out to eat. And we'll set it up in a place of honor at the table and take a picture and text it to her.

And, yes, I'll probably blog it.

Three Things...No, Make That Four...

2011-12-12T12:12:00.001-07:00

1 - Relationships. Ain't they grand?

You know those times when you have people in your life who have some issues and for some unknown reason take said issues out on you? Even when you have NADA to do with said issues? And then...when said people are all: So Sorry!!! And you are all: Yeah...let it go...put it in the past... You're thinking, yeah...quit being mean...let's get on with life... And then? You find out that you're the only one who really meant the 'bygones be bygones' part? That said issues are still being reenacted out, and not to your benefit?

Oh great day in the morning.

May I say...and I mean this with all the sincerity I can muster up: I have already learned the life lesson of fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice... Well. I may smile and be polite. I may continue to be the SAME FRICKIN' PERSON I WAS BEFORE ALL THIS JUNK towards you, but do not think for a solitary moment that you are getting anything else from me. Because I have also learned the life lesson of how safe people behave and how unsafe people behave. And you continue to prove that you are not a safe person to have in one's life...even if I have to...you can stay in that spot and I'll stay in this spot.

That's what I have to say about number one.

2 - Doh...I forgot what number two is...We'll come back to that...maybe...

3 - My daughter has a secret Santa at work...I think the person's name is Joe.

No. I do not recall the person's name...but...I am wondering what is in the box and I think it's an awful cute presentation, and a great way to come to your desk on a Monday morning...

2 - I remembered!

I have discovered this wonderful thing called: sharing my stresses.

Apparently, there are people out there who really do mean it when they say, "How are you doing?" And then, when you take a deep breath and answer honestly, you know what? The world doesn't fall apart. They listen, you may even shed a few tears together...which isn't a horrible thing...if I'm involved, there's jokes made to try to not just cry...knocking on wood... I walk away feeling a bit more free. They walk away grateful to not have my trials. It's a win-win. So. #2 is rediscovering that I can avoid a few headaches by simply trusting people in my life with my "stuff". Because, even though there are people out there, like mentioned in #1, that I wouldn't go near with a 10-foot-pole unless I have to, they actually are the minority. Go figure. Since Friday, I have learned this because some awesome people here really do care...and an awesome cousin called just to let me know she's there...and even hearing a sister-in-law's voice was helpful...which leads us to #4.

4 - My sister loves me.

Actually, I have a lot of sisters. And I know they all love me. And I love them. But for this particular post, I'm referring to a text I got yesterday right before I left for choir practice.

Apparently, my sister was at church, and read her program, and saw a quote and thought of me and THEN...instead of just thinking, she took a picture and texted it to me.

Follow through folks...sometimes, it means the world to someone.

It did to me.

Because, as I was hustling my bustle to get out the door...I had a reminder that even though I was alone in the house, I'm loved...I'm thought of...and I matter. No words...just a picture...

I do love my siblings. I'm grateful every single day for my parents creating this goofy family for us.

Good Stuff

2011-12-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

Friday was our Christmas party for church.

I was not looking forward to it.

It had not been a good day.

Midst my piano playing (at home), I fell apart. Apparently, Christmas music that I absolutely love and low moments do not mix well. All I wanted was my mom...and her picture is right there on my piano and I didn't even dare look at it...so I gathered myself up...

*picture taken from Facebook*

And redid some makeup, got the food I'd made for the party, grabbed my music and headed up to the church to practice with my soloist before the festivities began.

Doug was stuck at work...so I'm doing that: oh joy...where am I going to sit... I'm heading towards a spot and pass one of "my" young men. He tells me to sit across from him. I said if I do, you'll have to talk to me. He said that's the point. So I did. Met his friend. Had a good visit with them and it felt good that even though I'm not his teacher anymore, he knows he's still one of mine.

Then our three missionaries (one is days away from going home) came and sat with us. And another good visit was in the making. One of them is from Ukraine. Funny fella. He told how when he was first in Colorado, they were in a turning lane and the guy next to them flipped them off (guess he doesn't like the Mormons)...he was thinking, Uh..okay...they got their green arrow so they started to go. The flipping off man saw them driving so he started to drive. Right into the back end of the car ahead of him. Because they didn't have a green light yet. lol...the elder laughed telling me the story...he said that's what you get for flipping off those who are serving the Lord.

Had a brief visit with a lady and then went to the stage to play the piano for the kiddos during their Nativity reenactment.

After that? Talked with that lady again for a few minutes. We have a similarity in trials right now. She was going to leave and then...we ended up having a very long "therapy" session with her session. Didn't put away any chairs...didn't put away any tables. And I don't feel guilty in the slightest. We didn't get anything fixed, but it was a safe place to be honest and open about life and we laughed...tried not to cry...

They're just good people.

Then to yesterday.

Doug was leaving for work...one of my standard lines when he leaves is: Drive safe.

He jokingly said it back to me.

So he leaves for work and I think..okay.

So I got ready and went to Casper for most of the day.

Talked with him later that evening and mentioned that I just got back and he said where did I go. I said Casper. He said oh...wait, what? I said, you said to drive safe, so I went and got Christmas presents for you to give to me...and stuff that I needed for a goodie basket order...cuz I live here...and you can't get stuff that you need for things like that unless it's via the internet...and I need it before shipping would get it here.

(this morning, after i said 'drive safe'...he repeated it back and then added, 'to the church'...)

Anyway...I get back to town and stop at the church to practice the organ and go over all the songs for the Christmas program on that piano (cuz that piano sucks...it's a beautiful piano, but it sucks...and i'm not the only one who thinks so...it's just...the keys aren't very responsive...they need to be fixed or something) and while I'm at the organ, some kiddos come in the chapel and sit down in the back to listen to me. After a bit, they come up closer and I'm kind of talking to them and they realize that I'm not going to bark at them for being in there so as I move to the piano, they come up on the stand and start...ahem...playing around a bit. Mostly reverently. And one even requested 'Silent Night'.

It was fun. Cute kids.

Anyway...since school is getting out a touch early for Christmas Break this year, I was a bit nervous about not having all of our choir here to perform our Sacrament Meeting Christmas Program on Christmas. And some folks aren't going to be here next week...so we're doing our program today.

Been working at it a lot.

Kind of excited.

Part of the excitement is to have it over...but most of it hoping that people get out of it what I tried to get across in the music and words. This is the second one I've put together for this ward...it's stressful, but in a good way I guess.

Now...as long as my fingers, hands, and wrists hold out...I will Icy Hot them...and take ibuprofen...as long as I don't start thinking while I'm playing...it'll all be good. I have enlisted people that I trust with "my stuff". And then we can focus on the music for Christmas Day that we're doing with the other ward.

I'll post my program here on Christmas...I know...you can barely contain YOUR excitement.

And...thus endeth my ramblings for now...

Ahh...

2011-12-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

While doing some secret Santa shopping for me...and by "secret Santa shopping for me" I mean it's a secret from the salespeople that I sent my daughters on a particular errand should they find themselves in a mall...since I am 1 1/2 hour from any mall...my daughter happened upon a station where you can write a letter to Santa.

Here is the letter she wrote to Santa...who just so happens to be one of her very favorite-ist people in the entire universe:

Dear Santa,

This year has been hard on my mom. Please help her have a better 2012. I love her and I don't want her to cry anymore.

Love, Jaycey

Flashback Friday

2011-12-09T15:46:00.001-07:00

4th Anniversary

Doug & a few presidents...

The clouds finally lifted so we could see them.

Did You Know?

2011-12-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

It's inbred to get a little excited around this time of year.

My mom LOVED Christmas.

My dad...who could be counted on to grouch and growl on a regular basis for the rest of the year...come Christmas time...he got giddy right along with mom.

Well, giddy for him.

They'd have their dates in December where they'd go shopping...when they'd come home I could feel the energy just radiating from them...and mom would be laughing because she had so much fun playing with all the toys with her hubby. And dad would have a big ol' twinkle in his eye. I had NO idea what they bought, but those memories are some of my favorite things about Christmas.

Especially when they came out with new and noisier toys...or toys that you could push the buttons and walk away...leaving an aisle full of a loud mess.

Yup. Got that from my parents.

And then there's music.

My mom was music.

My dad? Can't sing the right note at the right time to save his life, but he loves music.

My youngest daughter will listen to Christmas music year-round. Someday, I envision her house will have a corner where there is a Christmas tree. No matter what day it is. Not in the spoiled way like that one stinky girl got a present under it every day from her parents...just up because she likes Christmas.

So...to today's share.

My friend, Brian, posted this video to Facebook.

I thought I would laugh at them taking a lovely Christmas song and using "The Force" to rewrite the lyrics...I did smile throughout the song...but not out of humor...I'm a sentimental gal.

And we do love Star Wars.

Christmas Chuckle

2011-12-08T21:53:00.001-07:00

Got a text from my sister...this is on a chair outside of my brother-in-law's office...

I love it.

Wrong Barney...

2011-12-07T17:31:00.001-07:00

Clicking through the guide on tv awhile back, I saw:

Barney & Friends

And my immediate reaction was: YEAH!!!

Followed closely by: How does Barney have enough friends to have a show about it?

Then...

I realized...

My children are grown and the title was referring to this dude:

Not this dude:

Texting...

2011-12-02T18:54:00.001-07:00

Ever wonder about my ever-so-interesting text conversations?

Well, wonder no more...here's one from this morning...it started with a picture...

Chris: What do you think?

(at which point, i'm thinking...well, he asked...and he's not one to censor what he thinks...but i decided to be more diplomatic and not say that i hate-it-oh-so-very-much...because, what does it matter what i think of how he wears his whiskers? answer: it doesn't really matter what i think...)

Me: Didn't Hugh Jackman have that kind of facial hair when he was Wolverine?
Chris: Yes he did
Me: Ah. Well..Hugh is cool. :)
Chris: Laugh out loud
Me: Glad you laugh..now go finish shaving. Unless Stephanie likes it..then use it to your advantage. :)
Chris: She is okay with it. I have to shave it off for drill tonight.
Me: Thank God for small miracles.
Chris: It's not that bad.
Me: Ok. It's not that bad.
...
Me: Just showed Doug..he said: Starburns!

Now...turns out that Chris doesn't watch the show with Starburns...here is Starburns:

I'm hoping that Chris gives himself some stars and sends me a picture...

Fun Song...

2011-12-01T20:04:00.001-07:00

Christmas is coming!!!

Buh Bye November!

2011-11-30T21:03:00.001-07:00

So my Christmas shopping is almost completed...and it was almost all done online. I'm loving opening the boxes as they get dropped off. Got my tree up and the lights on today...no star yet, that's the last thing. Tomorrow I shall put up my ornaments...still a happy/sad thing...happy cuz I love my ornaments...sad cuz I miss my daughters' ornaments...I still have their ones from Mexico for this year, maybe I'll fake it and put them on my tree until they get them... And I'll start wrapping presents tomorrow...since the tree will be finished and the Santa skirt down.

I'm a bit excited for Christmas...

And. I must say. I am glad to see November go.

(although, now i have barry manilow singing 'When October Goes' in my head)

There's been a few rough months this year. January was tough. February was hell. March and April not a whole lot better. A few scattered weeks here and there...not the best. And November? Well...it's a few short hours from being over. Phew!!!

I'm going to put this out there: December shall be good.

I knocked on wood. I get a good month.

Putter Expert

2011-11-29T21:58:00.001-07:00

I don't recall if I posted this or not...but...

Back in June, we were at my sister's house and Doug had his golf clubs in the truck...our little nephew was happy to have a 10 foot ride in the back of the truck and then was curious about the clubs.

Doug gave him a putter...some balls...and tees...

I said...you're giving him your putter?

Doug said it was a spare.

Then Aidan had a mini-golf lesson.

And he became a pro.

I know he's a pro because Tara told me that he "taught" his grandpa how to golf.

That's just sweet.

In-State Tuition

2011-11-28T23:19:00.001-07:00

Should illegal immigrants be allowed to pay in-state tuition for higher education?

Well...only if I can get the same deal for any school of my choice.

Fair is fair...and I am here legally.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

2011-11-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

So I was texting with my sister awhile back and she typed an interesting sentence that got me thinking...

"Don't you wish we could have what we want and still choose the consequences?"

Upon first reading, I thought: Heck yeah!

Then...I changed my mind.

I do not want to choose my consequences. Or anyone else's. When my girls were growing up, dealing out consequences almost always sucked. It's not the fun part of parenting folks. At least not for me.

I may have surprised her with my answer of: nope.

But I have always known that God is smarter than I am.

I wouldn't call myself one of His easier children. I'm not a bad one...just not an easy one.

I take FOR-EV-ER to learn lessons.

2011 is proving to be a year of learning to let go and let be.

It's painful. And causes my soul to be still...I think so I can process and cope and figure out what to set down, what to keep, what to refuse, etc. Not that I'm there yet, but I'm trying to get there as quickly as I can...because I am tired.

The only things I can control are my thoughts, my actions, and my words.

That's it.

I can't control what others think or believe..even if it's wrong.

I can't control what others do...to each their own.

I can't control what others say...even if it's flat out lies.

I can remove myself from situations. I can remove myself from toxic people. I can love and wish someone well. And I can continue to love and protect my people to the best of my ability.

But I don't want to be in charge of consequences.

Some consequences are known before we make our choices. Others, eh...we have a pretty good idea. And still others? No clue. Just get smacked around and make us think, Hindsight: 20/20.

And another thing that sucks: when we think we're doing a good job of minding our own business and HOLY FRICKIN' COW!!! Where'd that come from?

Consequences.

Bleah.

A powerful teaching tool...if we pay attention.

God is far wiser than I am.

And even though He gives us all the ability to choose...and doesn't seem to interfere with that very often at all...I'm still glad that He's in charge.

Thanks for the Texts!

2011-11-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

I love the Christmas Tree Jubilee that happens in Ogden the two days after Thanksgiving...missed seeing it this year...but through the wondrous invention of electronics, my sister sent me a photo strip...I love photo strips...and I love these little folks...

Then. The great sadness is that I wasn't at the Taylor Thanksgiving.

Again, through the wondrous invention of electronics, I got a few pictures...

Some sisters & nieces telling me hi...

My brothers showing deep affection towards each other...

And here is most everyone saying, "Hi, Connie!"

(also got a few christmas tree pictures...i think i'll have a christmas tree post on kari's birthday, the day we usually put our tree up when i was little...so, if you wanna text me your christmas tree, not only will i LOVE it, but we'll have our own parade of trees here...)

Flashback Friday

2011-11-25T15:07:00.001-07:00

Christmas 2009

Tara, Susan, & LaDawn

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!

Love you much.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2011-11-24T17:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, before heading home, we sort of had a lesson on how to make my signature Sugar Cream Pie. Jaycey is bringing pies to her boyfriend's family dinner...today, they made her Chocolate Cream Pie.

Hmm...wonder what team they root for...

And in case you're wondering why there is a monkey and two dinosaurs in the picture...I'm going to assume it's because it's Thanksgiving and she's thankful for dinosaurs and monkeys.

Now...to my meal for this day...seeing as how we had our turkey & trimmin's dinner on Sunday, and there is still leftover turkey to be used up, I was thinking about what we ought to have today. I was lacking imagination and thought...ham?

In case you are wondering, even if my cousin is having swan for Thanksgiving...that wasn't an option.

Just sayin'.

But then, while talking with my sister, she mentioned how our other sister wasn't doing the traditional dinner.

Nope. She's having a lot of things...including shish kabobs...she sent me a picture...

And I went: LIGHTBULB!!!

(which means i had a great idea...)

I was in Utah! Near stores with actual choices! I could get beef ribs...which Doug loves!

While at the store, they only had one package...and I was about stored out, so I was getting bummed and then had another LIGHTBULB moment. I can make something else also...here I am shopping with my sister and she's buying multiple meat options for dinner...and then...what do my eyes spy?

Oh...flat iron steak...

I have never seen that being an option in my town. And although it was going to be stored in Jaycey's fridge drawer until time for me to go (it's okay, i usually have my cooler with me while traveling...for shopping...) and it's her favorite cut of meat, I went for it.

We did have the discussion that it would not be as good as eating flat iron steak on a cruise...because it meant we weren't on a cruise...(that's what jaycey eats every night on a cruise...every. single. night.) Jaycey said it's because everything tastes better on a cruise. We were excited at this point (cuz we love cruises), and I had to sober up for a moment and say...well, not really. They don't have good cookies.

But I digress.

So I'm making ribs...and flat iron steak...and my rolls are rising (probably need to go punch the dough down)...and I cheated by getting a MaCallendars German Chocolate Pie...no guilt here, I already made pies this week...

Now, for the "technical" part of this day.

I am grateful for my for my friends...for music...for authors who entertain me...for my Heavenly Father who watches over me even when I'm not aware of it...mostly for my family...my parents, my brothers & sisters, my nieces & nephews, cousins who love and accept. Even if I am silent, I never ever take for granted these people, they are my foundation and I couldn't be more in love with my clan.

I am grateful for Brittany Michelle...for Kimberly Isabel...for Jaycey Elizabeth...they are my heart and soul.

And I am grateful for Douglas. Because he healed my heart and soul...for our paths to have crossed is proof of miracles.

Thanksgiving Eve

2011-11-23T23:40:00.001-07:00

On Thanksgiving Eve...I sit here, doing absolutely nothing, and loving it.

Glad to be just sitting here in our living room with my husband. Even if there is a lot of gun noise going on.

Not grateful for the temperature or wind outside, but I'm warm in here, I don't have to go out tomorrow, I'm about to go climb into my bed, so, I guess it's all good.

That's it.

Boring short post.

BOOYAH!!!

2011-11-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

In your face dear daughter!!!

(...not my current score...just cleaning up pictures on my desktop...)

What's Wrong...

2011-11-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

Got an email...looking at the graphic...I thought: "Hmm...I do not feel the urge to jump on this offer..."

Do you see what's wrong with this picture?

If you're a Utah resident, you ought to feel all sorts of special right about now.

Sunday...Sunday...

2011-11-20T21:05:00.001-07:00

Did these last night also...

We did not eat them today...we have other things to shove down our gullets...like...the turkey...

My peas...to be correct, I'm the only one who eats them...do NOT know what everyone's problem is because they are more than delicious!

And rolls...

And Doug's Coconut Cream Pie...

And Jaycey's Apple Crisp...

Now...hopefully, tomorrow's four hour drive will be a four hour drive and not a 17 hour adventure...

*knock on wood*

Spoke Too Soon...

2011-11-19T22:21:00.001-07:00

This afternoon, upon returning home, I got a little busy getting a few things ready for tomorrow...

Got my turkey brining...

Some cranberry/orange sauce...I tell you, ever since I had homemade cranberry sauce? And realized how SIMPLE it is...it's a must for me...so got that together to simmer for a bit...

And got my stuffing veggies & spices sauteing while getting dinner ready...

Decorated a few cookies, chatted with my husband and daughter...got the kitchen straightened up...have gone over my list for tomorrow and now? I'm just ready to go to bed.

Because I don't do so well on...well...did I get an hour of sleep? Don't think so.

And I think I jinxed myself.

What ought to have been just over 4 hours of drive time...turned into 17 1/2 hours of "drive time".

Early on, I said, "I'm blaming this on Camille."

Ought not have done that.

Because the weather only got worse from there.

And my daughter didn't want to go to a hotel, she thought it'd be fine staying in a parking lot...and me? Well, I wanted the hotel. Doug told me get in a hotel. But I'm looking at my daughter and thinking...I need to let go more, open myself up for more moments...so...we stayed in a parking lot.

After, she admitted it wasn't her best idea.

Because neither one of us slept.

Well, maybe 13 minutes.

That might be stretching it.

Then it was slow going...then, when it got to be a decent pace? We saw a few wrecks that were very sad. Made my slow driving look really good...because my mindset had been...you may drive fast if you want, I think winter driving is a sport and I enjoy it, but...I'm past exhausted and I'm not rushing it...we're enjoying each other's company...it may seem that we're never getting home, but..we're getting there alive.

And then. Sitting on the highway. In park. For an hour. Not having a clue what's going on nor when we'll be able to move. Surrounded by semis so we literally cannot see a thing. And when traffic starts again? We were maybe 5 or 6 semi-lengths where the accident happened. Right in front of us.

Slow and steady got us home safely.

My car looks like it's been through a war zone. All that snow and road grime...ick.

And Jaycey and I are past tired. She's in bed asleep.

I'm on my way.

Regardless of the headache...I'm glad she's here. Miss the other two. Dinner will be good tomorrow. And I think she's having a good time with her dad.

It was a long long long drive.

But life is good.

I have homemade cranberry sauce in my fridge.

Come tomorrow, my home will smell of stuffing, brined turkey, rolls, mashed potatoes & gravy, my creamed peas, their corn, apple crisp and coconut cream pie...my mother-in-law has the BEST recipe...i do use coconut milk instead of milk, but either way...heaven folks. Heaven.

And then I will roll myself to choir practice.

Flashback Friday

2011-11-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

Christmastime 1999

My cute Kim.

We had a full house...with stepkids/Greg/my girls...and we had ourselves a graham cracker "Gingerbread House competition. Different groups of people had different sides...no peeking!!!

It was fun...good people...good memory...

To Be Fair...

2011-11-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

To state my opinion...as it's my blog and it's completely acceptable for me to do so...

If my husband has to pass a drug test for his employment...

If my daughter/brother/sister have to pass a drug test for their employment...

If my friend has to pass a drug test for their employment..

If we have to pass said drug test in order to get and/or keep a job...

Then to be fair...

Those who are on welfare ought to pass a drug test in order to keep their benefits state/federal benefits also.

Just to be fair and all.

Just Like You!

2011-11-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how Doug regrets his tattoos?

Have I mentioned that we have a little niece who finds his tattoos fascinating?

She wants tattoos like Uncle Doug.

Her momma says she can have all the temporary ones she wants, no real ones. I told her to pass along that Uncle Doug wouldn't like it if she got real ones.

For now though, her mom is cool and lets her decorate her cute self up.

Step One...

2011-11-14T20:47:00.001-07:00

Step one...

Make bread...

Step two...

Rip & begin the drying out process for stuffing...

And I'm one step closer to Turkey Day...

Hoodies Not Allowed

2011-11-14T10:44:00.001-07:00

I don't teach Sunday School at church anymore, but those teenagers are still "mine".

Yesterday, it was (we'll call him Boy1 for this post) Boy1's first time passing the sacrament. I was looking forward to this...I love seeing these guys using their priesthood. Just love it.

So, I'm sitting there at the organ, playing the prelude...look over to the sacrament table and see Boy1 and Boy2 sitting there. I smile because I love these two, and I there they were...and I know Boy1 is nervous and Boy2 is being his friend and trying to keep things calm and easygoing. Then, I notice that Boy1 isn't wearing a suit coat..it's a hoodie he has on.

At the sacrament table?

I do not even come close to thinking so...not appropriate.

So. I whisper to Doug: hey...can you go over there and tell Boy1 to take off the hoodie. Doug really doesn't want to. I'm all: he cannot wear that while blessing the sacrament! Doug doesn't think it's that big of a deal. I keep looking over there...Doug asks what his cell phone number is. I do not know..I didn't bring my cell phone with me, but he has Boy2's number in his phone...so a mini discussion about whether or not Boy2 has his phone with him as Doug texts him. Then, we're both watching...to see whether or not Boy2 takes out his phone.

We see Boy2 make slight movements...we're crossing our fingers...okay, maybe not so much...because I am still playing the organ...

We see Boy2 lean slightly towards Boy1 and then they both look over towards me as Boy1 is taking off his hoodie. We all smile...my smile from being proud of them...them, probably because, well, you get the picture.

So bless technology...even at church, when we ought not be texting...because the hoodie was taken off.

When I got home, I had a waiting text that said: "Now I'm cold!"

I texted back: "Yeah, but I'm proud of you."

My Leather Jacket

2011-11-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Back in 2003, on Black Friday, my sister, LaNae got up way before the butt-crack of dawn and went to get this leather jacket for me...I went to work, she went to the store and was one of the first people in the store. They only had a few of these doorbuster items, but since she was there, she was able to get it and gold stars out the ying yang for her...I mean, it's awesome to not only go shopping for me, but way before the sun comes up? When she wasn't going there...very cool.

Anyway.

My jacket?

Hasn't been zipped up for awhile...if you catch my drift...

But yesterday? For a few hours, while I wasn't watching, the weather went from stinkin' cold and windy to down right nasty.

It was very sad.

Because I had to go out in that pure form of misery.

I was glad I remembered my gloves. I had my trusty Indian scarf. Gloved my hands. Wrapped my head and neck. And then thought about that cold nasty weather whipping into my midsection...and then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I've lost a bunch of weight...might as well try..." So I try...and holy smokes! I zip up my jacket without a solitary problem.

No Michelin Woman look...if you catch my drift...

I was zipped up and comfortable and happy.

Well. Happy until I stepped outside. I mean, winter here surpasses suckiness.

High five to me!

(which i got from douglas upon my return home)

A Dr. Pepper Story

2011-11-12T18:29:00.001-07:00

so...this here list of acceptable foods that i've been focused on doesn't include junk food of any sort.

but...for those who are addicted to their soda, they are allowed one diet soda a day.

my favorite drink is water...and i have NEVER liked diet drinks...but, this is an out that i like having. so, there is usually a diet dr. pepper in the fridge, just in case i'm wanting something...i can go to that...i don't drink one every day, but it's nice knowing that i can if i want.

now...to my story...

late this morning, i went to the fridge, to get my diet dr. pepper...and what do my eyes spy? oh, it's an open can...with very little left inside. and i am a bit peeved...

so, later this afternoon, while i'm being generally annoyed at most everything in the world, i tell doug: well, since i'm busy being annoyed, here's something for you...

bottom line, i truly do not care if he drinks it...just put another one in.

fast forward a few hours...dinner time...and i open the fridge, to get my dr. pepper...and...once again, there is one can of diet dr. pepper...opened...

i turn towards my dear husband and say, "Serious?"

a few hours previous, i had asked him to at least replace the can. and here we are...he apologizes...i'm shaking my head and cannot believe this...a few moments later...he laughs...

he moved my frickin' can to the bottom of the fridge. that was the same opened can from before...he filled it with water in case i had picked it up, so i wouldn't think it was the same can...

ha ha ha...so funny. gotta love it when the joke is on you, right? i'm not as amused as he is...

fast forward an hour or so. i'm belting out a song...do not know why, just felt like it...i notice he's getting ibuprofen, stop singing and ask if he has a headache...he says yes, does not know why.

no. it is not my lovely loud line of song.

i say perhaps it's because he drinks too much pop.

he turns and said, "really? you want to go there?"

well...my friend, i must tell you...i am confused by this question...because what in the world does that mean? so i say, "yeah, let's go there, because i'm curious as to what 'there' is..."

he looks at me...we laugh...because neither one of us know where that 'there' would be.

followed by my asking a few times to please...let's go there...please? i want to know what it is...

he doesn't know. i called his bluff.

but i sure wish he didn't have a headache...he would have made something good up...because i'm still wondering...

thus endeth my soda story for today.

E and O

2011-11-12T09:48:00.001-07:00

So...there are these ladies named Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey...

Or "E" and "O" as they're known in inner circles.

As by "inner circles", I mean: this blog post.

I just finished reading E's new book. I was so looking forward to it...I enjoyed her other two books. This one? Not so much. You might like it. I just...eh...

But I did want to share a few things with you...according to E:

"A mammogram is less like a fun song and more like an industrial-strength panini press."

lol...

"The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes."

Now to our good friend, O. And a few things that she's put on the screen the past few weeks...feel free to ponder them individually for a bit...

Flashback Friday

2011-11-11T10:09:00.001-07:00

2007

(i think)

Dad & William

...my soldier dad...my soldier brother...

Happy Veterans Day!!!

A Few Good Things...

2011-11-10T16:17:00.001-07:00

So I'm scanning on facebook today...and I read my nephew's status:

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Cracked me up.

Yesterday, I hit the line called "Enough!"

So I made cookies.

But then, I went to the church for a few hours to practice with folks and ran out of time to decorate...and so, today, I escaped again into the cookies...because that's what cookies are good for. They're not perfect, but...sugar cookies are almost always perfect to me. AND...I have finally figured out the different consistencies of the royal frosting that I need...

And then, I made eyeballs for future usage...

Because they're fun.

Phew!

2011-11-09T23:03:00.002-07:00

Okay...this has been a day for the record book...

Up...Down...All Around...

And that's all I have to say about that.

Good post, eh? :)

Two Songs

2011-11-08T10:08:00.001-07:00

...get ready for some eyeball rolling from my daughters...in 3...2...1...

So, there's this song that I have requested that they play and SING LOUD at the meal after my funeral/memorial thing. Drive them crazy with this song...I actually love singing it...and I love singing it with them...especially since they pick up on the harmony parts...and they've learned, just sing it...then it'll be over...

That may be because I threaten to play it over and over until they all sing.

I don't know that Kim even pretends to enjoy a nanosecond of it.

But it's a fun song.

And I like to think that there will be some who will miss me.

So..to the real song I wanted to share...

Along the lines of funeral/memorials...

I have said, and will continue to say, that I do not want a church service for my "funeral". If people want to go to church, then they can go on Sunday. And if my current bishop is not a good friend of mine, I don't want him conducting the thing. I have enough brothers/brothers-in-law/sisters/sisters-in-law...one of them can do it. I don't want someone up there pretending to know me when they really don't.

Or just doing their thing...and people who know me looking at the person and wondering what their tie to me was...

Just one of my things.

Another one of my things is I want a particular song sung. I debate it from time to time...but then I go back to my original desire...and I want it sung. It's a beautiful song. And I have always love Ol' Blue Eyes (if you don't know, frank sinatra, look it up, you ought to know him) and the version that he does the best.

Until...

I heard this group, that I didn't even know existed, sing it. And I'm torn...but as a friend told me: look at it this way, it wasn't one person who beat out Frank, it took four of them...

I still love me some Frank singing it...but seriously...check this out...

I think it's time to go to a concert....

Church-Goin'

2011-11-07T15:07:00.002-07:00

Once a month, our church has what we call 'Fast and Testimony Meeting'.

If you don't know...this is once a month, we are to fast two meals and donate the money we would have used for that food to help the needy. Pretty good system.

For our main service, after we take the sacrament, members from our congregation can stand and bear their testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ...what they know to be true.

Our assistant organist usually plays the organ on Fast Sunday. Yesterday morning, I got a text from her asking if I could play because she was sick. I thought...hmmm...wonder what songs I picked for today... And: well, guess this is what I get for not practicing any November songs yet (i've been kind of busy with choir and primary and solo music). Look at the songs, figure...eh, yeah...I can play 'em...and get myself to church early so I can do the prelude.

I was weepy yesterday. And a bit nervous about folks asking how I was...you know those times when if anyone is nice to you, you will most likely burst into tears? Yeah..that was me yesterday. So it turned out being a blessing because I got there early, was busy playing hymns...not much conversation goes on up at the organ, so I felt pretty safe. And then, just going through songs and hearing the words in my head, that was pretty darn good for me. Forget anyone else is in the chapel, I need this song...now this song...and, oh...yeah, that one...selfish free therapy.

So..to the meeting. Confession time...Testimony meeting isn't usually my favorite.

I think that's a kind way to put it.

Sometimes it's good...mostly, I sit through it.

Yesterday? Almost every single person that went up to the microphone had a little tidbit just for me.

I had prayed for help to get through church and, lo and behold, I had mini answers for almost an entire hour.

Then, another job of mine is to play the piano for the primary (church classes for kiddos 3-12). One of the VERY BEST callings a person can have. To get to sit there and play music and hear kids sing? Not many things better than that. Unless, they were my little people...

The point of this post is...even though it wasn't something I was looking forward to...and even though everything in life isn't fixed..lol...like that ever happens...it was a good church day. Followed by a few hours of playing the piano for the choir, then for a quartet, then for a duet...my head and hands were completely finished with playing by 9pm, but it was a church-goin' day.

***

I copied this from mormon.org: A testimony is a spiritual witness given to an individual by the Holy Ghost. The foundation of a Mormon’s testimony is the knowledge that Heavenly Father lives and loves us; that Jesus Christ lives, that He is the Son of God, and that He carried out the infinite Atonement; that Joseph Smith is a prophet, which God called to restore Jesus Christ’s church to the earth; that we are led today by a living prophet; and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Savior’s Church restored on the earth today.

Grief

2011-11-06T10:18:00.003-07:00

A friend's blog got my mind mulling over the topic of grief yesterday...my experience, my belief...

Kubler-Ross gave us the theory of the five stages of grief.

Denial...

Anger...

Bargaining...

Depression...

Acceptance...

Kubler-Ross further noted that the five stages are not meant to be complete or chronological..everyone might not feel all five responses, nor will they necessarily be experienced in the order listed. We are all unique. How we react to life-threatening, life-changing events are as individual as we are.

That being said.

From my experience...well-meaning people may say, "It'll get better..."

Bull.

When someone tells you that, accept it the manner given...they mean well. But, it doesn't really get better.

I'm referring to someone you love dying.

They're still dead. You still miss them. Your heart and soul still ache to see them, talk to them, hear their voice, say their name (or title) directly to them instead of just referring to them.

To me, grief is the process of learning how to live with the loss. The loss doesn't go away. You have to learn to deal with it. The empty spot in your daily routine, the empty spot in your soul...it sucks learning to deal with that and accept it for what it is. Your new reality.

For me, denial can go hand in hand with shock. And it's the easiest one to muddle through. Even I, the queen of denial, can only pretend something ain't so for so long. Not very long. I can put off dealing with something...quit chuckling...but knowing something is, that part I can do.

Anger...oh yeah...I can do this one. I beat up my mom's peach tree a few minutes after hearing of her death. I sat on a curb. I wondered if I could actually pull that hydrant out of the ground. I looked up at the stars and I was angry. Other events happen in life...right now, I have a biggie...that whole "fog" thing I mentioned in my post yesterday. I know it's real...I accept that...and right now, I'm processing a lot of different directions where anger is going. Including towards myself, but I don't even know if I've identified all the little offshoots that are having a bit of anger going their way.

I am completely aware that anger is a secondary emotion. I'm working on that. Identifying...mulling it over...feeling it...getting to it's root...pain or fear...which is it? And then I'm going to do my best to turn it over to my Heavenly Father because...as other major things...I can't do this one. Not by myself. Not even with Doug holding my hand...I just can't. I need wisdom and strength and courage...

And sleep. I need lots and lots of sleep. Maybe even the treadmill.

Back to the stages...

There comes bargaining.

I don't know that I do this one very well.

Things are what they are. I can only control myself. I cannot control others. I cannot undo what has been done. There's really no point in bargaining for things already in ink.

Well...there is an instance where a lot of bargaining has gone on...but even as I am doing it, I know better. So it's pitiful bargaining that I do...not a very useful tool if you ask me.

Depression.

LOL...boy oh boy can I do this one. Maybe it isn't a full-fledged depression always, but I think sadness, being worn-out, misery...this is where it falls. And it just has to be felt and dealt with. And turned over to your higher power. So you can...accept.

My most difficult one.

Acceptance.

I can accept something at face value. I can understand that it's so. But I want to know why. And that isn't always an answer we can have. Which sucks. Because I question. I question a lot. And the big things that happen? I want to know why...and if I don't know why...how can I lay it to rest?

I don't have to be happy about it. You don't stop missing someone, or the way things were, just because you accept something. But getting to that one, where I can put it down...that's tricky.

It didn't take me years to accept mom's death...but it took me years to accept that I was a different person. In the moment where that manchild ran into their car, he changed me. I didn't even know I was changed for a few hours, but I was no longer the person I had been.

Years, I'm telling you. I had an internal struggle to just accept that I couldn't go back to who I had been. I was different. Life was different. And no amount of trying would change me back.

It was a difficult lesson, but one that I hope to be able to use in the future...in the present...and not have to struggle longer than necessary.

When someone you love is gone, it changes you.

You can't control that. It's a done deal.

You can control HOW...for the better...for the worse...that, you can do.

And these stages will overlap, circle around each other. And sneak up on you and smack you across the face when you least expect it.

It's okay.

In a former marriage, I learned the phrase: Transitions are hell. It was a belief of his that I completely buy into. Not all transitions are hell, some are great...but...those struggles? Those "growing opportunities"? Transitions = Hell

Things will be okay. The process of getting to the other side can be difficult and just...hellish...

But you feel your feelings. You learn from them. You come out, still missing what was...what could have been...but you get to a place where you can put all that somewhere and not have it be a constant companion. And hopefully, you come out a more empathetic person towards others.

Because sometimes, the best thing you can say is, "I don't know what to say...I'm sorry..."

And because, almost always, the best thing you can do for yourself is, to give yourself a break.

Because grief isn't a one time event. It's an ongoing process.

And that, is okay.

*artwork drawn on a moment's notice by Brittany Michelle and texted to me...thanks kiddo!

2 Smiles

2011-11-05T21:35:00.004-06:00

Been a few...difficult...days.

Like, a fog is surrounding my being.

While going through my mammoth inbox, I found two things I texted to my email to blog. And they made me smile...so, I shall blog them.

The dinosaur cookies I made a few months ago...that still humor me. And you can kind of see the white glove and heart cookies on the pan underneath...oh, I need to make more sugar cookies...

And a text I received from my sister...this made me smile because it's a tie to my mom. And even though I live hours from family, we're all still under the same big sky... For the mom part, well...it's just a song she'd point out and so it's still special.

"Somewhere out there is playing :-) love you and glad you're here"

Flashback Friday

2011-11-04T07:24:00.001-06:00

1942

My mom and her Uncle Clarence.

Da Girls

2011-11-03T09:51:00.000-06:00

Years ago, when those yearly photo packages were going around..and you go in every few months for your "free" 8x10, and then they try to sell you the whole package?

Well...I went in to get a picture of me and my girls.

And they're doing all the different poses and I'm thinking, nope...all I want is that picture of me with my kiddos...which happened to be me laying on my stomach with the three of them on my back.

And then, at the end, when the photographer was finished, my darling oldest child, grabbed her two sisters and said, "Take this one!!!"

And I knew I just bought myself a package.

Because how could you pass this one up?

So. That's the brief story about how one picture turned into a $100+ package.

Fast forward to this August...and my youngest wanted to have pictures taken for her birthday. So I got my annual summertime girls picture based on the photo shoot from years ago...

And then...we did an updated version of them on my back...

I'm a fortunate momma.

Hmmm...

2011-11-02T07:17:00.000-06:00

My daughter overheard a brief conversation in a restaurant:

Waitress: Do we carry buttermilk?

Hostess: No.

Waitress: So what do I tell the lady?

Hostess: ....you tell her we don't have any...

My Halloween Parade

2011-11-01T12:56:00.000-06:00

What were you doing last Halloween?

I was at the hospital and got to see a few nephews and a niece in the waiting area...

And this was our newest little guy getting to know his momma in the outside world right before he went to NICU. Now? A year later? Oh, he's just fine and a happy little guy...

And now it's November...but...here's my own personal Halloween parade from yesterday...hope you enjoy these as much as I did...and, if you want a good hard belly laugh, just keep going til the end...

Here is my cousin, Karen...as part of a pack of Squeeze-Its...hilarious!

Here's my friend/"big sis" Marie...I think she loves Halloween...she's also a published writer, if you want to read her stuff, click HERE...

My niece, Andrea, who dressed up as herself... :)

My daughter, Brittany, who dressed up as her hero, Audrey Hepburn...

My niece as a cow...whoops, that'd be a calf...

My nephew and niece at their Halloween party with their buddies...

Here's a monkey nephew of mine...

Here's an awesome daddy with some of my great-nieces and great-nephews...

My brother-in-law & sister-in-law...

A couple of my nephews...a poser and an attacker...

My cousin Sue, I mean, Kathlene...

My daughter, Kimberly, but I'm not sure what she's dressed as? Perhaps she mopped floors all night..and I'm happy about the lack of shoes!

This is my cousin...he made his own costume...simply AMAZING!!!

A little nephew of mine, who has gained a "little" weight since I saw him a few weeks ago...

And now...go back with me to Halloween of 1987...I believe to the last haunted house I went to.

In my memory, I don't believe I did that well...at one point, I remember hanging off my boyfriend and not wanting my feet to touch the floor...because there were scary people all over and I didn't want to be touched. I believe there was laughter on his part. To my credit, I did not pee my pants.

The cherry on top was..as we were leaving this "lovely" place, you come out on an upper floor and have to walk down some metal steps. Well. Freddy Krueger was down there. I know. Fictional character. I don't care. This guy would make Sean (creator of professional haunted houses along the Wasatch Front, consultant to I don't know how many more) proud. Heck, he'd make Robert Englund proud.

Me? I was just passed freaked out.

Mistake number one...making eye contact with that person and letting them know I was..*ahem...a bit scared.

Freddy starts coming up the narrow staircase REALLY REALLY SLOW (to be fair, I have no idea how narrow it actually was...in memory, it seemed to be a foot wide), and he's drumming his knife fingers on the railing...slowly...and he's looking right at me. And there's no way to get past him...remember that skinny staircase? Yeah, I remember it.

At this point, I'd rather go back in that stinkin' haunted house!

My date is chuckling at first...then, to his credit, even though he's amused, he does try to reassure me...that it'll be okay, we'll just keep going...

Yeah. Although I know he's not a liar...I'm not big on believing him right at that moment.

That jerk Freddy Kreuger.

That being said...I can so relate with these ladies...

That being said...my stomach is sore from laughing so hard while watching this video clip. Yeah, I've watched it more than once...gotta celebrate Halloween!!!

Enjoy!!!

Happy Halloween!!!

2011-10-31T11:32:00.000-06:00

I realized this month that I don't decorate for Halloween anymore.

I blame it on my children.

Halloween used to be a bigger deal...it's just a day now.

GASP!

Yup. It's true. I'm not big into Halloween...but I was big into seeing my little girls' excitement about Halloween...but, life keeps going on and I imagine I'll be getting excitement back in future years with grandkiddos.

As for now...here's my Halloween celebration:

And here was an early Halloween costume (?) of Batman & Robin...aka Emmitt & Jaycey:

And then, there came two text pictures from my eldest artist child...that I absolutely love.

She made me a Halloween creature:

And a lonely, frightened pumpkin:

And now, I shall make my Halloween wish: I wish for pictures texted/emailed/whatever of the little people in my life in their Halloween costumes. I love seeing my people all dressed up for this evening of free candy. And, I know, were I there, I would get as big a kick out of them as my momma did when she went trick-or-treating with my kiddos.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y'ALL!!!

Bump..Bump..

2011-10-29T19:48:00.002-06:00

The home of my youth was down a damn lane.

That's not swearing.

That's it official name...what it was called many times...thus, why it's not swearing...

But the road that brings you to my home now?

It's worse than that "damn lane".

Seriously.

At one end of it, there's a disclaimer sign...as if that excuses it.

And this week, someone tagged it.

Flashback Friday

2011-10-28T10:58:00.000-06:00

21 October 2011

Camille & Cameryn

got to meet my newest little great-niece last weekend...have i mentioned that i love being an aunt?